couldn't sleep last night

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Arthur-Amelia, May 8, 2012.

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  1. Arthur-Amelia

    Arthur-Amelia Active Member

    I just laid there invisioning my death and everyone I've seen who already passed death.I just want it to be over. How do I keep going on? I don't want to put my parents thru my suicide. I will need to hold out long enough which probably wont be too many more years. Its torture here tho. Absolute torture in my mind. Every hour of everyday I'm reminded of how horrible I am and I want to get as far away from myself as possible. I can't stand love and affection from anything. I'm thinking of leaving my husband so I don't have to give my body up anymore because I hate it. Its not enjoyable for me at all. And I don't even care if it makes him feel good. I've put my body and mind thru pure hell for him. All I get are daily reminders of it and what horrible thing I've done. I wish I could make it stop. Right. Now.
     
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Have you gone through any doctor's counsel for this sort of pain? Therapy, medications & such? It might be worth a shot if you've not! I'm sorry you're stuck in such an unbearable living situation, is there any communicating with your husband in order to address some of these difficulties? Can you talk to any friends or family to get some of these bad thoughts and hurt feelings out of your head and heart? I sure do hope you figure it out and begin to find some comfort soon from all of the miserable moments you've been facing. Take Care!
     
  3. Arthur-Amelia

    Arthur-Amelia Active Member

    Hi Mister. Thanks for replying.. I don't like that Sarah McLaughlin Singer either, hah.

    No, I haven't asked for help. I'm too chicken to and the reason I'm depressed is all my fault. I don't deserve help and drugs are not going to undo what I did. I have no friends that will understand or family. I'm alone on this one.
     
  4. Silex_Drade

    Silex_Drade Member

    Yes, i had a terrible sleep last night too, i found myself reading the dictionary at 5 am -.- I even started to rehearse my suicide by stabing my wrist.
     
  5. Frenchie Gal

    Frenchie Gal Guest

    You don't want to put your parents through your suicide, but you can't talk to them. I am pretty sure they would rather have a weirdo, emotional, truthful child than a dead one. You should write down how you are feeling more and explain it to them. Writing helps clear things up for yourself. There is a way to get through this.
     
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