I just laid there invisioning my death and everyone I've seen who already passed death.I just want it to be over. How do I keep going on? I don't want to put my parents thru my suicide. I will need to hold out long enough which probably wont be too many more years. Its torture here tho. Absolute torture in my mind. Every hour of everyday I'm reminded of how horrible I am and I want to get as far away from myself as possible. I can't stand love and affection from anything. I'm thinking of leaving my husband so I don't have to give my body up anymore because I hate it. Its not enjoyable for me at all. And I don't even care if it makes him feel good. I've put my body and mind thru pure hell for him. All I get are daily reminders of it and what horrible thing I've done. I wish I could make it stop. Right. Now.