Couldn't stop, *trig*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Sycotic_Sarah, Apr 5, 2007.

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  1. Not for the faint nor easily triggered people, thanks. [:

    Just cut myself. Alot. On my forearm. Know where doctors take your blood test? Yeah, there. I cut quite deep. Not deep, deep. But deep enough for it to bleed for about, half an hour. I did one really deep. It isn't wide enough to see what damage I've done. I think I may have hit the bone. I am not entirely sure. I am at a dead end. I don't know what else to do but cut and hopefully, die. I wanted to cut the arterie in your arm, but I failed. I may have hit a vein, just not an arterie. Which I wanted.
    Right now, I am struggling to stop cutting. I keep wanting to do more, to cut further, to go over the deep ones and make them deeper & wider. To hurt as much as I possibly can. But, I can only take so much pain. When I did a very wideish/deepish one, I almost passed out. I heard a ringing in my ears, I felt dizzy & sick. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've lost control with this too. I want to stop, but I can't. It is all too much.​

    All of this is too much for me to handle at the moment.​

    Already am I going through some tough shit.​

    I don't know what else to do BUT cut... and cut... and cut...​

    & I've been doing this since I was seven/eight. I'm now fourteen. I do it for no other reason but 'just because'. It will oneday get out of serious control & I'll regret something terrible. Of course, if I die from a cut/cuts one of these days, good for me huh? :[​
  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Are you ok now? :hug:
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Awww Sarah. I'm sorry you are struggling hun :hug:
  4. no now I actually can't stop.

    help! :'( grrrr
  5. I Miss You

    I Miss You Guest

    Sarah..i know what you are going through..if you need a friend to talk to im here for you

    you are in my thoughts tonight...

    dont say that sarah..people here really care about you..they dont want to see something bad happen.....:sad:
  6. on one of my cuts my finger can go inside it, and further downwards, its like 1.5-2cm deep! and it's hurting, and it has stopped bleeding, but my fingers are a bit stiff and hurt when I move them & are cold and shaking.

    aswell as that, during this 7 hour 'episode' of cutting, I have felt dizzy, sick & had blurry vision every now and then.

    should i get it checked out? :s
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I would really get checked out after that. :hug:
  8. stifness is wearing off now.

    cold still. and shaky. but meh. im going sleep. night...
  9. Stupid.

    I took the bandage off, too tight, left the stitches & stero-strips in. 9 stitches & 10 stero strips I think.

    Hurtsss, the numbness is wearing off.

    The nurse said it was deep and she was surprised... very surprised...

    So, again, I fail at a 'suicide attempt' aswell.

    Hmpf. My mom though, acting weird, I don't think she's took her anti-depressents, she was stroppy at the hospital and took me home before I was able to talk to a physciatrist (the procedure they do when one harms themselves badly), she just said she had enough and sick of being there and wanted to go home. I told her I didn't want to see anyone anyway. So we went. & Now she's being all funny with me. Like, she isn't her anymore...

    *sigh* Great.


    Fucking marvellous. Maybe next time I will die. Yippee.
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