Counting Time

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by noisserped2, Dec 5, 2008.

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  1. noisserped2

    noisserped2 Guest

    Deep down and despite the fact it sometimes feels fantastic, I think our relationship could be coming to an end :sad: At the very least something needs to change, and change quite soon if we are gonna have any future together. Not so long ago that would have made me extremely upset, now I realize our relationship as it stands today is not what it should be.

    It basically comes down to this. I don't think I'm not the right person for you, and I'm starting to think you're not the right person for me. That sounds awful :( , but let me explain.

    For months now we've tried to make this work, without ever really changing anything. Despite that, sometimes it feels so right, sometimes I really do think it's gonna work and we will live happily ever after, but 24 hours later and the brutal reality sets in - personality conflicts, little polite arguments...the biggest difference is how we see ourselves living.

    As time goes on, it becomes more and more apparent that our future lives are likely to pull us apart. When we first got together we talked about how similar we were, I now think a lot of that stuff was superficial and pretty minor. As it stands we are very different people. We both want to help people in our future work, our future careers, but aside from that I cant see a lot down the road that binds us together.

    We spoke about marriage, but how on earth could that ever work? I'm at fault, often bringing it up at those times when it "feels fantastic", only to realize 24 hours later that its a pipe dream, and it would probably end in disaster. How can we be married? I don't even wanna live in this place, if I got another offer I would be out of here tomorrow. You wanna live here for the next 3 or 4 years. I'd be chewing my arm off by then. It might make a difference if I lived on my own, somewhere close by. Honestly, that's what I see myself doing sooner rather than later, but its still gonna take ages to accumulate that sort of money and in the meantime our relationship is slowly deteriorating.

    Money money money...It's really starting to bite now. I've let us down the last couple months with my steadfast refusal to find a fucking job, or my like my growing spasmodic depression has really stopped me for doing much of anything for more than a couple hours. Fortunately I had savings, and secondly, one of my parents is the kindest person alive and has pulled us out of the shit more times than I can count. That cannot last. But you wanna know something? You really do think of yourself first lately and fuck the consequences. I'm not talking about a couple bucks, I'm talking about this doctors appointment. It was totally unnecessary atm and now we gotta scrimp like hell for the next 3 days. I hope you like toast. You think this is doing our health any good?
    I didn't say no, because that's not me, but next time...well I'll just have to.

    Then there is the sex...I don't know what my issue is, and honestly I'm sick of trying to figure it out. I've turned myself off lol. I know it feels great. Its when we're intimate that everything feels so perfect. I love holding you, love kissing you, love making love to you and I know you love it too, but my problem and your lack of libido is slowly taking the life out of something really nice that brings us together. No, I'm not saying its the only thing that matters, I'm saying its something wonderful that really brings us together, that something that also seems to be losing its appeal.

    I don't know anymore, I love you, I will always love, always want you, but...I don't know if I'm in love with you anymore :( I don't know if it's the anxiety about the way things are, my depression or wtf it is, but something tells me we need to resolve this soon, make a drastic change.

    What we have right now isn't working. I'm not sure it ever will :sad:
     
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Hello noisserped2.

    I'm truly sorry about your relationship. You are brave in facing the problems that are facing you and the relationship your in.

    I hope your able to resolve these problems and find some peace.
     
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