Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Sa Palomera, Mar 4, 2007.

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  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    i'm going to count the days in this thread

    Today is the first day without a hashcookie for me, haven't had a drink yet either. Though the bottles of piƱa colada, apfelkorn and rum are really looking at me as if they're saying "drink me, drink me!" also I feel like going into the city to go get cookies. SO I guess I'll lock myself up in the house today, so I wont be able to buy cookies.
    I feel miserable though. I want a fucking cookie and I want to fucking drink that bottle of rum. it's fucking standing there, an armlength away from me but I cannot drink it, I cannot. I mean I didnt even have breakfast yet...

    will I be able to do this?? I dont think so.. I have to try though :sad: :sad:
  2. Astrantia

    Astrantia New Member

    Hi Ishtar,

    You *can* do this, take it a day at a time, an hour at a time, Geez a minute at a time if you have to... thinking of you and here for you
  3. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    I love you no matter you do Hun :smile: :biggrin: :rolleyes:
  4. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Hun there will be ups and downs in life and every now and then you will make a mistake, there is no doubt about that, not only with you, with "everyone" but it's wether you pick yourself back up again or not that matters. :hug:

  5. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    thank you guys, so far I made it. I decided I'd sit in the livingroom with my laptop today, because the booze is all in my room, so I'd better stay out of there cos I KNOW that I won't fucking be able to control myself when I'm in there.

    Thank god I got the cat, she's sitting on my lap right now, between my laptop and my head. or well my laptop is on my lap and the cat is laying against my chest. She's too sweet to throw off my chest to go get a drink. I know that as soon as she walks off I'll get up and get me a drink :sad: how pathetic is that :sad:
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :cheekkiss
  7. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Hugs how are you doing hun?Missing ya.
  8. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    hi kath, I'm doing fine today, thank you, sorry I didnt reply to your pm's, and now I'm under moderation, I can't send any pm's I'll get back to you when I'm off moderation though :smile:

    and YAY for me! I made it through the day without any hashcookies and I only had half a glas of bacardi/coke and that was all I had of drinks with alcohol in it :smile: so yay for me :smile:
  9. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Dont worry about the PM's [i dont remember much of what ive done recently] and i know that you cant send them when under moderation so dont worry hun.It just sounds like youve been having a really tough time.i hope things are looking up for you soon.Hugs hun.
  10. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    so I ended up having like half a glass of bacardi/coke yesterday eve.

    but I didnt have any hashcookies (cos I dont have any in the house) and didnt have a single drink today and won't do so either. I feel really strong about this right now. ONly not about the hashcookies, I feel like going out to go get some right now.

    I'll be fine though, I'm pretty sure that my new job which'll start tomorrow will pretty much change everything in my life :smile:

    I'll get more rhythm back in my life, I'll spend less time online which probably is a good thing, seeing the amount of time I've been spending online :dry: ,
    I wont be able to drink as much anymore because I can't work properly if I had too much to drink, nor can I have hashcookies often anymore, I can have them like twice a week, in the weekend and that's it, not more often so thats good too :smile: also I'll be having money again to pay my bills and I can put all the money I took off my savings account back then, bit by bit, yet I'll still be able to save some money to go back to University by September.

    I just try not to think of my Dad much, but I guess my job will give me enough distraction and when I get home I'm probably too tired to even be upset about that asshole.

    So yeh, this job will change a lot. I just hope it won't be too much for me I mean I'm out for work (including time to get there and back home) from 5.40am-7pm or so which means there's about 10 hours left of me being home. and in those hours I'll have to sleep (about 4-5 hours, usually), eat, watch tv, go out with mates etc. Thank god it's only 4 days this week, dunno if from next week on it'll also be on Monday, but I'll certainly have every weekend off, thank God. I hope it'll only be 4 days a week, cos it's 10 hours a day (including breaks that is) so 4 days would make 40hrs, if I'd be working 5 days it'd be 50hrs! :eek:hmy:

    Oh well, I feel strong today and I'll just live day by day.

    Had a nice day so far, today :smile:
    guess I'll post about that in motivationlal and positive messages forum though :smile:
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