I am very new to these forums. If you are sensitive to reading about self-harm, THIS WILL VERY LIKELY TRIGGER YOU! Since early high school (I'd guess age 15), I've been self-harming. Unlike most people, there's no definitive "trigger" when I go to do what I do. It's usually a result of constantly feeling empty... so being in pain is at least something to feel. It's slowly grown into an addiction; the rush of endorphins is almost intoxicating. Almost ten years later, I still go through periods of self-harming, one "session" which occurred just two days ago. I'm not a conventional self-harmer - or so I've been told. My left arm and leg are currently battlegrounds of rather gross deformities, the latter of which has had many months to heal. I'm a heavy drinker, so sometimes I'll be three sheets to the wind when I'm doing this. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. My parents see my scars and are both revolted and concerned. My friends either shame me for it or show similar worry as my parents. I have so many scars I don't dare to count. I'm currently unemployed and have been for almost two months, and being covered in obviously self-inflicted wounds isn't exactly conducive to finding gainful employment. I'm very self-conscious about my scars, but I usually find myself unable to stop or, at the very least, find something else to distract myself from the emptiness. I've tried the rubber-band technique, but it's not even close. I'll snap myself with the bands as hard as I can, but to little effect. I'm not really looking for someone to talk to about this... but I feel a little better knowing that it's all strewn out like this. I doubt my story will aid anyone suffering similarly, but getting my feelings out is cathartic in its own regard.