Crap thread from a crap person.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheBLA, Aug 21, 2007.

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  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I'm just here in the computer lab doing nothing so might as well create this.

    Yeah, first of all, been here two years now on SF, haven't done anything but make crap, meaningless posts. Nobody knows me, don't go to chat, don't do anything, nobody would miss me if I was gone, you really really wouldn't, you and I both know it. I know at least part of it is my fault. I'm too embarrased to talk about my problems, I can't get into details, keep saying the same crap over and over again. I don't go to chat room, don't talk to people on AIM, etc.

    I'm just useless. Plain old useless.

    Dunno if I should post here since I haven't attemped, probably won't anytime soon, just think about it, too cowardly to go any farther.

    And you all won't understand why I think I'm the biggest loser because I can't tell you. Sigh. Why the hell am I even here? Have all these posts, been here so long but its all for nothing. Making this thread was a waste of time. Sorry if it gets a bit hard to understand, I might just be ranting.

    I'm inferior to everyone around me, I wasn't raised right, I haven't done anything with my life, its just been very very very very empty. And I know I am only 20 and have a long time to live but I feel that since my first, formative years were empty and crap, then I'm doomed to be messed up forever.

    I'm so confused, I feel depressed over having no friends or girlfriend like a lot of people here say. But then I don't even know if I want any. I don't do any extracurrlicular activities like everyone else does but then I really don't want to. I guess I have to just go and join a club, make friends, just get out of my shell but its so hard and I'm just whining and bitching instead of doing anything at all.

    It really sucks when everyone I know, everyone I see is happy, perfect. I am the only one with no friends, feeling depressed and thinking about suicide, doing nothing, etc. In the end, I should not have been born. I was born prematurely, about 2 pounds, very weak. I should have just died, my dad shouldn't have taken me to a clinic. I feel that especially being Indian that I am, you can't be depressed and sad and think about suicide, god no. I don't think Indians can be open about it nearly as much as others, your supposed to be happy all the time, be successful be a doctor/engineer, get married, etc. I know that sounds very narrow and stereotypical.

    And sorry for this thread and not putting anymore details or info. Maybe later, if I can work up the freaking courage. Thanks.

  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member


    It's ok, you don't need to explain what your problem is.

    I guess the main factor here is friendship. Have you ever tried opening up to someone?

    Oh and I know full well about the Indian way. It's has the potential to be nice but alot of the times it can screw people up since there's always a high demand in indian families to achieve big things. It is very materialistic and stereotypical but then again you get it in other cultures as well.
  3. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    " everybody is know or see is happy and perfect"""
    They are just as fouled up as the rest of us...
  4. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I just feel so alone, so ignored. Nobody cares about me, I feel pretty hopeless and bleak about my future but I also feel that its a low chance that I will try to attempt and even lower chance that I'd actually succeed. I just should not have been born, why was I born just to suffer?

    Why do I have to be so inferior and messed up compared to everyone else I know and around me and I'm the only one depressed and thinking about suicide and that makes me even more of a freak. I just can't survive in this world, I don't have what it takes.

    I feel that nobody here cares about me, their just lying when they say they care about me, I don't understand why you can't delete your account?

    Been here for two fucking years and can't even be straight up and fully honest and say exactly what makes me sad. Its a lot of things and I dunno if I can be fixed, or if I am even worth fixing since I am so messed up. I've wasted so many chances, opportunities and will keep doing so as well.

    And my words just echo off the wall.
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I'm sure people on this forum care about your well being. The thing is, if you don't open up then it limits the amount of friends you will have.

    Maybe even try to come into the chat once in a while.
  6. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    no your words don't echo off the wall..
    I remember got were going to put me on some type of edit. because I told someone to just do it.."I was in a bad mood and drunk as a skunk" pissed off because I didn't have the balls at the time to..well you know
    You are a good person, not the loser that you think you are.
    You are trying to meet unreachable goals. Don't let your parents or race put you in a box.
    Just be yourself and you will find soul mates
  7. BubbleyBernie

    BubbleyBernie New Member

    I felt I had to make a account to respond to this post, I've been suicidal for over a year now because quite honestly I have nothing to live for. I'm in the same situation as you depressed about those things, but at the same time I don't want them. I'd be happy alone for the rest of my life but everyone around me tries to force me to be someone I'm not. I suppose I have a really good lifestyle compared to many around me, but im entering my senior year of high school and it all seems worthless, for what? to get a job and work 50 years after? To find someone and be happily ever after? I don't want any of that.
    I guess I'm kind of straying off topic, but the point is, you're still here after so long, so there has to be a reason even if you don't know of it, I feel the same way, I want it to end, but I've never gotten around to doing it. I guess we have to search out for what makes us want to live, it has to be somewhere if we've made it this long, See if you can find it.
  8. Mogwai02

    Mogwai02 Active Member

    exactly how i feel man.
  9. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    out of all the other forumer posts, nkrukato, i probably relate to yours the most.
  10. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    When you say nobody on this forum cares , that is not true cause i care.

    i really do care..

    thats part of my downfall i think??? because i tend to care..

    but please dont say everyone here does not care cause i do :hug:
  11. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    Man, I don't think I even have goals nor dreams. :sad:
    What I mean is that I'm a bit more disadvantaged because of my race/ethnicity.

    I don't think you ever see many depressed/suicidal Indians do you? Its way more frowned in our culture than in most. At least Westerners are more open minded about it. Its like in our culture, it doesn't even exist. We're supposed to hide it, not talk about it I think. Maybe I'm being paranoid here. I'm the only one depressed and suicidal out of all the other Indians or people I know, everyone is perfect, I am a freak, the only freak. My parents must be ashamed to have this black sheep when their friend's kids are perfect, my cousins and other relatives my age are perfect, etc etc etcetc

    Anyways, I'm the biggest loser of a member here and in general. I'm never ever noticed or standout in any forums, just post crap to raise my post count, never make any damn progress. I'm really messed up and can't tell you why, I'll never have a normal life, I haven't so far, had an extremely boring, empty one.
    I never should have been born. I was supposed to die when I was prematurely born and weighing 2 pounds and so weak and fragile. Why'd my dad have to get me to a hospital? Look at me, so whiny and full of self-loathing. Am I going to get better, can I, should I?
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 27, 2007
  12. Mert

    Mert Member

    I can understand a little, Rahul. But you are unique; I of all people should know that. So I'm going to say where I relate to you the most.

    You feel that everybody around you is perfect. This is exactly how I feel. Sure, there's obviously more than one of us, but we are a somewhat scattered group. The majority of the people around us do not feel the depth of the pain we do. At least you're not doing quite as bad as me; I am actually planning to follow through with my suicidal feelings.

    Talking is great medicine. If you don't want to talk about your problems, that's OK, but I've found that just talking feels great.
  13. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I would love to talk. I just feel ashamed, because I am very messed up and lacking, empty. There's so many things I haven't done, experienced in my pathetic life, so many things I don't know about or how to do. I can't beleive I am 20 years old, I am still a damn child. I'm too messed up to be "fixed", but I'm probably exaggerating, overdramaticizing at least partially.

    Maybe I'm also afraid of the replies or helpful advice I'd get but never follow. Been here for two years and haven't done anything. Just freaking great. Same with the rest of my life. Just stagnating while everyone else progresses forward like normal people.

    I have to do something if I have a chance at getting better. IF I can. Everyone here of course will tell me not to kill myself. All I can do is live? I'm stuck here.

    Maybe I'm actually worse off than you that I haven't seriously tried to kill myself, just pathetically think about it. I saw your thread just now, sorry I can't relate at all, never ever had a girlfriend and really probably never will. Sorry its causing you so much grief this unrequited love.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 27, 2007
  14. Mert

    Mert Member

    I'm not the person to help you. I'm planning on being dead before the day becomes Tuesday. But I can say that although I have lived 4 fewer years than you have, neither of us have lived all that long. Maybe things can get better in the future... But I don't believe that anymore, since people tend to disagree as to what a better future is, exactly.

    I would encourage you to keep talking. That's what kept me alive as long as it has. Hopefully you'll never get as bad as I have, and hopefully you'll get out of this. Good luck.

    It was nice talking to you. We'll see if I live to post again...
  15. Mert

    Mert Member

    Wait... You've never fallen in love? Just hope that you don't! Or rather, hope that if you do, things will work out. But if your anything like me, love probably won't work out for you, either.

    Pathetic feelings of suicide are much better than... Well, the real deal, let's say.
  16. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    Anyone else wanna reply to my crap thread where I'm probably not giving nearly enough info to be helped?

    Whats my problem? Am I being too vague in describing my problems? I really would like to be helped. What am I doing wrong here, please tell me. What can I do to optimize my time and efforts on this forum? I'm a clueless moron.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 27, 2007
  17. shadi_saleh

    shadi_saleh Active Member

    I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm also of East Indian descent, and like you, I'm a practically a despondent hermit. The problem is that our social group has not been able to properly grasp mental disorders. God forbid if you're Indian and have the temerity to be depressed. In East Indian mentality, people think you're, in a sense, "defective" if you're diagnosed with a mental illness. Thats some fucked up mentality right there, and its evident in my parents.

    It just fucking pisses me off that if the WHO and UN can recognize mental illnesses as major quality of life inhibiting factors, then why the fuck do Indians think its something that brings "shame" to the family name and other obscenely stupid shit like that. Egrh!

    Know this. You're definitely not alone in feeling the way you do.
  18. shadi_saleh

    shadi_saleh Active Member

    On a more helpful note, its important to see a mental health professional to get properly diagnosed and begin treatment. That should be paramount.

    Meanwhile, try to think of the things in life that you have been grateful for, or the things you have enjoyed. Think of anything, no matter how small and retarded it seems, and draw off inspiration from those thoughts.
  19. life

    life Well-Known Member

    Why cant u tell what u think?didnt get it....By the way u say that u havent got any friends or etc....Is it that u dnt want to or ...?It might be a personality disoder ,every tried goingg theraphy?
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