Crap :(

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Roads, Apr 23, 2008.

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  1. Roads

    Roads Active Member

    Well, i tried. < Mod Edit Hazel: Method > I passed out and woke up minutes later puking undigested pills all over my bed.

    My next move is to break into a small airport < Mod Edit Hazel: Method >

    I hate life :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2008
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    roads, please don't try again. it is not your time to go.
    can you share with us what has brought you to this point?
  3. Roads

    Roads Active Member

  4. sweetsweet

    sweetsweet Well-Known Member

    ok Roads I quickly read some of your background shit. My first thought was that you were an ungrateful motherf*cker. I saw some of the things you had and was instantly envious. But, I can really see where you're coming from. I don't know enough about you to judge your situation. There's plenty of thing there that I may want and your still feeling suicidal, while people have pointed out many "blessings" that I have and I still want to end my life.

    Your post really reminds me of a lot of myself. I wish I was one those people who could tell you to keep going through life, but right now that would be complete bs coming from me and you would probably know it right away. From what I've read I assume you are 20. Not too far from my age. And you are completely right. Shit wouldn't get much better in the future like people try to make you believe it will. I just can't believe how much your post seems like me a year ago. And maybe today. But, you really aren't alone. I don't know if you truly want to die or not. I do think that emotional we wish for the same thing.

    However, I say I love life. So much that I don't want to outwear such a good thing.

    I had a friend who killed himself. I wasn't really sad about the fact that he was dead as much as I was thinking about how we had so much in common and never got a chance to share it with each other.
  5. Roads

    Roads Active Member

    Thank you for the honesty. Yeah i'm 20.

    It's really aggravating when people say things like "It'll get better", or "just hang in there, it'll get better some day". Because it really IS BS.

    I know I have a lot of blessings. But to me they are curses. College is awful because I'm constantly reminded of how I have no friends and won't be able to be happy and have fun like everyone around me, it absolutely KILLS my soul to know other people are out there having so much fun in college when I'll never be able to.

    Playing music is awful because all its done is introduce me to horrible people, extreme frustration and disappointment, and has had no real rewards.

    I detest my family, I hate them, because they thrust me into life I didn't choose without regard for me. I know that sounds like selfish reasoning. But if someone through you into a prison with no reason and never let you out, you'd be mad too.

    I know I'm not alone in a sense. I have a hundred people I could talk to online. But in real life I'm unable to spend even small quality time with real face to face people my age. Its not like I want much. Just some friends and a girlfriend to do things with, thats it honestly.

    I finished this semester this morning. And now I'm going to be completely alone for an entire 4 months of summer, sitting in my apartment. Totally. Alone.

    I really do want to die because I don't see the point in life when those 2 simple things are unobtainable.
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i don't think of you as ungrateful, for each of us our breaking point is so personal, and individual to our circumstances.

    2 years left in school sounds hard. Would you consider taking time off and just working on your music? I have the greatest respect for musicians - taking ideas, and feelings, and stories and expressing them through songs is a great talent.

    Please reach out for some help. It's depression that is lying to you by telling you that you'd be better off dead. But don't listen to it. Once you beat this depression you will have many great years ahead. I'm not just saying that like it's some easy thing to do, it will be hard work. But it is possible to heal from feeling suicidal and then go on to do great things. You have this gift of making music. Please stick around and share your talent with the world.
  7. Roads

    Roads Active Member

    I cant take time off of school. My parents would never let me take time off. If I did theyd hate me even more than they already do, and I'd just have to get a job, move out of my apartment and stuff. Its not an option.

    The problem isnt that I dont have time to do music, its that it relies on the abilities, attitudes, cohesion and schedules of OTHER people.
  8. April

    April Member

    I wont lie,i dont have anything to say that will make your life right. Im a student who couldnt even make friends when she was 10 and is still alone at 18. the longer you wait the harder friends become.

    What music do you like?What do you play?I wana know more. I know that your a guitarist but do you have any web page i could listen to you play on? I cant play any instrument but i can sometimes sing.

    I get tongue tied and am quiet which makes talking hard. Singing can be easier because you already know what to say to people and all statements are safe without critisism. I joined a choir in which people fuck up the music and the fecking director doesnt remember me at all but remembers another girl. It kills me inside to see all this beauty destroyed. I dont know if you feel the same about your music but it would defo explain why losing your band hurt you so much.

    You can guess that im shite with lads but i wont bore you with my short story. I wana chat with you when you can. Im not gona solve your life and you wont solve mine. I might make no difference to you're my future self-alone
  9. Roads

    Roads Active Member

    I play alt rock/metal and accoustic rock. Like Three Days Grace, Our Lady Peace, etc etc.

    I don't have a webpage or any recorded music because every band ive been in has failed before those things have happened.

    Um, I have AIM if you want to chat. Message me and i'll give you the name i guess.
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