This bipolar sucks. It will never end,always up and down, never stable for long. My pdoc even says this will always happen and my meds will need to be cotinually tweaked. I wish I was dead so that I didn;t have to kill myself. I just want to take all those pills and drink and go to sleep forever. I want to die! No one hears or knows. I can';t go inpatient, my partner would never have it. She would be so angry with me for feeling this way again. She hated it when I go into the hospital. I'd rather just be dead. There is no hope for this life.