Crap

[GoldenPsych]

Feeling crap. Don't know if it because I am coming out of what happened at the weekend and everything is reminding me of it. I don't really know what to do. I can't concentrate to do work and I have a meeting tomorrow with my practice educator and I need to get quite a bit done in time for that.

I know I wont call Crisis team. I don't really know what else to do. Last night I went for a drive but I don't feel safe enough to go out at the moment. I feel reckless. I feel like I am holding my breath.

 

[Jenny]

I'm so sorry things are so difficult I hope that you'll be able to phone the Crisis Team or someone else should you need to. Is there anything you can do tonight to help yourself through this? Thinking of you x

 

[GoldenPsych]

I'm trying to write some stuff for uni and do uni work. But it's coming out as crap. It's got to be done by tomorrow. I am hoping as long as I have something I should be ok.

I may try going out for a drive later. I know I need to ring the team but I don't know what to say to them. Dr T said he would get them to call me, but I'd imagine that will be in a couple of weeks once they get the referral etc.

I don't really know what to do with myself.

 

[Jenny]

How are you doing now? Have you been for a drive? Hope you are safe.. please do call the team if you need to.. i know it's difficult but they are there to support you xx

 

[GoldenPsych]

No I didn't go in the end. The hassle of moving all the cars around so I could get out was not appealing. So I watched TV for a bit and now I am lying in bed reading through blogs etc. Maybe once they have called me I will have that bit of a relationship thing with them. But until then I don't really know. The nurse at psych medicine said I was heading for a full MHA assessment and I ended up with that didn't I. I am just over thinking things and not letting off steam etc. I haven't got a counselling session this week so I can't talk about the weekend with anyone. The psychiatrist just wants to know the facts etc. Which is the same with all psychiatrists. I need to debrief with someone about it.

 

[Jenny]

How are you doing this morning?

I'm glad that you've been able to share your weekend experiences with us, although I understand that's not the same as talking about it in person with a counsellor. Did you say that your counsellor had said you could text her if you needed? Maybe you could take her up on that offer - she may be able to have a phone call with you.

I am thinking of ya and hope you have a good (or at least ok) day, and that you got your uni work done x

 

[Ravenwing]

How are things for you now? :hug:

 

[GoldenPsych]

I got the work done but I need to re do quite a bit of it. But the PE was happy to see that I had done quite a bit. I didn't tell her I rushed it and wrote any old drivel just so I had something.

I'm not doing great this evening. I am not so bad in the day. I can get through it as I am distracted. It's as soon as I finish I am really struggling. There are times during the day that I struggle but I can hide it, or I'll go to the toilet and release tension by silently screaming...

As soon as I don't have anything to do I am going over things in my head, I start planning, I think about self harming and plan that. I can't relax ever!

 

[Jenny]

I'm so exhausted that I can't seem to get a sentence together that could make some sort of sense, but wanted to reply.. i can relate to what you're saying.. it's hard to keep the thoughts away once i'm not busy too.. maybe why i'm not sleeping. Hope you stay safe tonight x

 

[GoldenPsych]

I have already let a little so it has made me feel better. I can understand wht Dr T says. In that I say I want to be helped but when it comes down to it in the times I am actually in need I don't seek it out. I think it's probably because I am worried about it being seen as attention seeking.

I have a mega busy day lined up for tomorrow so that's good.

x