Crappy genetics, nothing worth fighting for, no logical reason to go on

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by randomguy9, Jun 19, 2013.

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  1. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    Well I have always known I have a shitty set of genetics. In a culture where athletes determine how you grow up I was the guy picked after a few girls were taken. This lead me to living the life of an outcast... being my friend was a surefire way to get insulted by the evil creatures that ruled the playground. Even as a child... I can look at one inparticular... and understand evil. Anytime most ask "how can someone do this?" I can look back on that piece of shit... and it all makes sense.

    Thanks to that I never grew up knowing how to socialize... I am almost always alone. I have family members who love me... but I don't think I contribute to much to their lives. But still, friends my own age are all but non existent... and I am never going to be able to walk into a room of people without freaking out.

    On the mentle side of things... I was hopeless. I have so much trouble learning anything. I managed to graduate high school... after thousands of throwing papers into the air and giving up only to be forced. But the real test was a massive failure... an AP course. I studied my ass off... and I vivily remember the week of the big test hearing other's had spent the weekend having fun while I stu died.... they past, I didn't.

    That should have bene my sign never to attempt college... but I did it anyway. In order to get acceptable grades I have to cap myself at somewhere between 1-3 classes instead o the normal 4-5. Doing the math... I'd be 30 when I finished.

    No one wants to hire right now... especially not people with expierence, and especially not people who take 10x as long to get half the results of even a dimwit.

    There have been so many things life forced me to give up on... atheletics, when my dream always was to be the best in the world at competitive sport... the only thing that would have made the rest of this shit worth living through.

    Acidemics... im such a moron... there are only so many hours in a day and I can't expect to spend 20 studying for something that the rest of the class ony studies 2 for... and gets the same grades.

    I have no aptitudes what so ever... watching me do anything physical is pathetic, and I have proven beyond any doubt I can't succeed mentally...

    There is no logical reason for me not to commit suicide... there is no way someone can logicly tell me there is a path to becoming independent, and rich enough to do what I want to distract myself from the fact I don't have friends, a woman etc.

    There is no way to logcly look at me and tell me I can become an NFL or UFC Champion...

    There is no logical way that someone can tell me I could become an important person in the business world, leading others to success...

    For better or for worst... my family offers many emotional reasons, but the lack of logical ones ticks me off.,...
  2. Bluestar050299

    Bluestar050299 New Member

    Hey, just because things are looking down now, does not mean that it won't get better. You can become a NFL champion or really any type of athlete if you just keep trying. Push yourself, just because you're not perfect at something doesn't mean you won't be great at it in the near future. Killing yourself could ruin your chances. Who knows, you might want to do something else soon. Try other things if you feel like you're not good at one thing. You may be very talented in another subject, such as writing, art, the possibilities are endless. You never really know until you try. :)
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    We have talked enough in chat over the years that i do not have anything new to add- just wanted to say I am still listening . :hug:
  4. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    Just more venting...

    I am so close to being 24... ancnent by starting life out standards. I am seeking a job that many 16 year olds will be looking for as well... and that is while they finish high school.

    It is way to late for me to think of love... who the hell will go for a 24 year old who has never been on a date? Add that with how I freeze up around any cute girl... god fucking damnit I am pathetic.

    I am never going to find the things most people live for... and not having a high paying job to have enough to distract myself with... what is the point.

    I... don't want to see my birthday... there is nothing in this world for me to achive that is worth achieving.
  5. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Actually 24 is basically a child so far as "starting life" goes - the average successful marriage happens after 27 - and most people are finishing college and have $50k in student loans and looking for the same jobs....
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Wow, to be 24 again... :(
    I was just a kid at 24. I didn't think so then, too true.
    I wish I knew the things that I know now back then.
    You are YOUNG. If people were dogs, a 24 year old in "human years" would be just a 2 year old pup.

    Time and age are relative. Use your youth to become wiser and listen to the wiser (older folks) because they were once young too and they can give great wisdom to you.
  7. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    Thank you... that means a lot.

    I don't see anyway that starting life is age 24... at 18 people go to college at 22 they graduate and enter their chosen fields if they did a good job planning ahead. True, it doesn't happen that way for everyone...

    Or they get a job at 18, and get promoted and are in management or better at 24... the idea of having a boss who graduated high school this long after me is going to be a major trigger. Not like I have a shot in this fucking economy anyway... but still. I see no measure where I am not behind where I should be, especially if I am thinking career = my chance at happiness as friendships and relationships aren't going to do it.

    On the relationship category... maybe that is the average, but 24 for a 1st ever date.... and having anxiety around pretty girls... it is a pathetic thing.

    The physical prime of a person's life is around this time... plenty of people making millions with great athletic bodies at my age. I already need chiropractic work and have popped my right knee 5 times...

    I highly doubt any successful person has waited till 24 to get a job outside of family, and become a successful man by the measure I need to equal.
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