Crappy Roommate

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by summerschild, Mar 27, 2010.

  1. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    Why is it I have to be little miss mary sunshine all the time? I'm not. I suffer from depression and he knows it. I didn't respond the way he wanted me to in the kitchen just now and he said "well I'll shut up then" in that sarcastic way of his. He knows I hate it when he says that. I think he does it to provoke me. I just quit making dinner and left. Now I'm in my room brooding. I don't want to eat the dinner I cooked. I was looking forward to serving it to him. Right now all I want to do is crawl into bed and cry. I've been crashing into a full tail spin depression the past couple of days and this does NOT help at all. Every time I think Ok things are getting better I get kicked in the teeth. Now he will be punishing me by not taking me where I need to go. He will be all fussy and whinny and this will be all MY fault. I wouldn't be surprised if he called his daughter (who owns the house we are living in) and have her threaten to kick me out if I don't apologize. He knows I can't afford to move and that I would have to go back to my mother's if that happens. He also knows that would mean separating from my husband (maybe not such a bad thing) because my mother HATES my husband and will not under any circumstances let him in her house. I was hurting before now its worse. I don't expect any response. Just needed to blow off steam so that I don't hurt myself (tend to self harm when stressed). Thanks
     
  2. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    Addendum

    Ended up apologizing. I feel like such a lump of s***. Why do I have to act perfectly 24/7 when everyone else is allowed to screw up? Feeling like I am beating my head against brick wall. And these are the people who love me and would miss me? Then I am better off with enemies.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    wow it took alot for you to do that but i guess it is better then letting him keep you down all night. It is so hard for others to understand depression if they have not had it themselves. The just don't get it. You should be able to have down days if that is what you are feeling I am glad sometimes just to have time on my own so i don't have to pretend i am all cheery and i am fine because i am not. I know it takes alot of energy to keep a fake mask on all day I hope you can get some time to be just on your own where if you want to just cry you can with questioning. Take care okay hang in there I hope your apology although upsetting to you understandable will help ease things over for you. sometime we just have to do what is necessary to keepthe peace.
     
  4. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    Emotionally it drained me. I have been down all evening. The problem is my roommate SHOULD understand. He has suffered from depression and he claims he has attempted suicide in the past. That's what is so frustrating about him. He should understand but he doesn't. He's one of these "well you would be ok if you just pull yourself up by the bootstraps" or "come out here and do yard work and that will fix you up" kind of people.
    I can be by myself thankfully. Roommate is at the other end of the house and hubby lives (and mercifully sleeps) in the living room. My bedroom is my sanctuary.

    To top things off he sent me a copy of an email that his girlfriend sent him. They are online romance. They have never met in real life. She has cancer. She was diagnosed over 2 years ago. She has liver cancer and I believe she is in the final stages. This relationship has been hard on me. Every so often roommate says she is better and he is going to leave and go live with her. Financially this would be a disaster for me.

    I better shut up now. Going on and on.... I so hope I can sleep tonight. Ever since I hit this latest bout of depression sleep and I are not friends. I can only catnap and then when I am exhausted. This is the worst bout of depression I have had since my last attempt. I hope things are better for you. (hug) :rose:
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I would talk to your doctor and see if you can change up your medication for your depression. Get out more okay in the air go for walks stay away from the enviroment causeing this pain and sadness Ihope you feel better soon don't stay in this state too long get help okay.
     
  6. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    Right now I'm not on any depression medication but I hope to when I see doctor. Working on my crochet helps. When I do that I zone out and feel better. Going outside is difficult because then roommie thinks I want to help with yard work and that is not for me. Besides *cranky alert!* he won't help me with the housework so why should I help him with yard work? I even go once a week and clean HIS bathroom!
    Hope you have a great day! (hug)