Not sure if this is the right place to post, but wanted to leave some kind of record or account should anyone look one day. I don't even know what to say, as usual my words just seem wrong, but I don't know whats right. I do know I am so very sorry for everything for failing as a friend, Mum,wife and ultimately as a person. When everything I say think feel or do is wrong, when I upset so many people through my mere existence then it is time. I cannot hurt anyone when they already hate me. When even my birthday is filled with their irritation,anger and resentment. I get when I am no longer wanted nor needed. Yes, I drove a wedge between myself and the world, shut everyone and everything out deliberately pushing people to cut ties. But I never intentionally pushed my family,my children or my husband away... yet they hate me and resent me so I am so so sorry for all I have done and all I have said and can honestly say I have and always will love you with all my heart.