Crashed

[Crue-K]

I have crashed into a deep depression, it came over me so quickly. I have never had depression creep up on me this fast before. I have been relatively fine for a while, yet tonight about 4 hours ago, a massive black cloud of nausea, anxiety, terrible urges and loneliness landed on me. I feel physically sick, just waiting to puke up. I have no idea what triggered this episode, nothing has changed in my life and I have been compliant with meds for a long while now. I feel so alone with nobody who understands to talk to. I don't think that i'll attempt but I do feel that way. I just want to me normal, to not need medication to function and to be able to maintain relationships with people. I should know how to address these feelings, after all its been apart of me since I was 17. I have no pills other than my meds, I have no alcohol in the house, I have nothing to use to hang myself.....my house is suicide proof. I have no energy to go out the house, I suppose that is a good thing. I want to be able to cry and have a shoulder to cry on. Thing is though, I haven't cried in years and also, as The Cure said 'boys dont cry'. Why do we bother, nothing ever changes for the better? I don't see the point of continuing with such a mundane and uninspiring life. I kid myself that I am managing quite well, when in reality I am not. My psychiatrist is useless, I just can't talk openly with her and I have so much I want to get off my chest. All they care about is that you are 'stable' on your meds. They couldn't give a shit about how crap your life is. I hate them all. Life sucks, my life sucks, I have so much hate in me, its all black and evil. Why?

 

[Sadeyes]

It is so frightening when things seem to turn again, but there are always bumps in the road...sounds like you have been well for a while, which means something did work...about your pdoc, is there a psychotherapist you can referred to who might be more suited for talk therapy? please continue to tell us what is going on for you...PM me if I can be there for you...big hugs, J

 

[hillsworth13]

What's the rush? You have seen all the bad things; your situation is not a good one in your eyes right now. But please stick around and you'll see good parts of the world soon enough. I promise!!
For now, try to find someone to talk to, someone you can come to anytime or often for help. Someone you can rely on.
I'd really love to help you more, so please respond again and we can all try to find a solution!!