I am cheating on my abstinent boyfriend with a guy I don't even really like because I am away at college and I am afraid to be alone at night. My boyfriend is my world, I have never loved any other person so much or been so adored; I don't know why I keep cheating. The more I think about it, the more I start to think that it might be better to end it and let him get someone he deserves. Someone I knew died of alcohol poisoning and I keep having dreams where he comes in to my room sweating vodka telling me that I'm next. I feel crazy. What is wrong with me?