crazy ramblings

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sa Palomera, May 24, 2007.

  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I want to be dead, but don't want to be dead cos it hurts those who love me.
    I want to fade, but don't want to fade cos it hurts those who love me.
    I want to but I dont want to.

    they say a cat always lands on her feet.
    and if you put butter on a bread, it always falls butter down.
    so if you rub a cat's back in with butter, and throw it, how will it land?


    I love people, I feel so much love for people. but I hate them for loving me. :unsure: I love them so much that I hate them. cos ... they aren't allowed to love me. they mustn't, they can't. it's not right.
  2. Tara

    Tara Guest

    i thought you strap the piece of bread onto the cat?

    but yes good pondering there.

    :hug: hope this rambling will make you make sense of things, and feel better soon!

    edit: didnt see...

    Why isnt it right for you to be loved? you deserve to be loved as much as anyof us do.
  3. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    no I don't. I don't deserve it, can't get it, mustn't get it, and don't wanna get it. cos i don't deserve it. and those who love me shoudl not love me cos I dont deserve it I should be hated. hate me please :cry:
  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    she asked me to come live with her.
    ha. wiould get best sister eer too then.

    sounds all great :)
  5. Tara

    Tara Guest

    of course you deserve it! no one could hate you!

    guessing your okay now, with that lil smile?! hope you are feeling better :hug:
  6. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    today I had my first contact with any relative since christmas (apart from my parents and sister that is).

    I spoke to my cousin on MSN. it was a nice short talk but now I have to hurry in writing my parents another email (though technically I'm still waiting for a reply from them to my last email but meh whatever.)

    I guess now I'm getting things in order, sorting stuff out, I should slowly get back in touch with them.
    My problem though is. I dont know if I want it or not. I know I'm expected to.

    so sick of expectations.
    sick sick sick of expec\tations.

    everyone expecting me to do this or that, expecting me to say this or that, expecting me to be like this or that. I'm so FUCKING SICK of it.

    I just wanna do my thing and be happy. is it that much to ask to just be able to do my thing.

    I just wanna go live with her. Like she said I could. I'd see her and S again. and we would be a happy little family.
    That's what I want.

    but then again I know that she only comes to invite me to live with her when I'm off my face, so i guess that explains why I like to drink so much and why LI like hashcookies. eh.

    fuck it. whatever.
    dunno what I'm rambling on about right now. am pissedoff and I dunno what at. well I do know what at, but I'm not going to say. tis not important anyway.

    I'm just pissed off now.
  7. LoD

    LoD Well-Known Member

    Double post, see below. :eek:
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2007
  8. LoD

    LoD Well-Known Member


    We're going to have fun together hun, mountains of it. :eek:

  9. hun

    you know I am here :hug:

    Thinking of you

  10. Tara

    Tara Guest

    aww darling :hug:

    hope things sort out soon, i feel for you :(

    if you want it that badly how about bringing up the conversation of moving in with her when your not "off your face"
  11. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    because she's not here when I'm not off my face :sad:

    she only comes when I'm drunk or high or stoned or anything like that. :sad: