Why do things keep getting worse and worse? Why am i such a failure? Why do people hurt you? Yesterday my friend's sister attempted suicide. So today was bad for my friend, seeing her in so much pain. Seeing her so upset. I tried my best to be there for her, but i did not do a great job. I did not know what to say. All i could do was hold her and give her a big hug. Then she asked me to promise her that i would never committ suicide. I wanted to promise her but i couldn't. I didn't want to make a promise i could not keep. Even after seeing her so upset, did not deter me. The other week my Pdoc gave me a huge shock, when she pretty much said she could not handle me. She said she would refer me to someone else, who would ring my MOBILE. That made me think that i was a failure, that i was an object just to be passed around. I refused to let her talk to my parents. So for the past week i have been waiting for this new Pdoc to contact me. I have had my mobile on 24/7, during class, waiting for this call. Today i got home from school and i found a letter opened on my desk. It was from the new Pdoc it wasn't even addressed to me it was addressed to my parents. So now my mother has read it. She said that she was going to tell my father. FUCK Her how often do i take the blame for her. How often do i take my dad's abuse for her. I did not want them to know it only makes it worse. I lied and told her i was not going, i don't want to go anywhere with her. It is none of her business, if she has not noticed that there is something wrong with me by now, then ... Now i am so angry and upset. I feel miserable. My friends don't want to know me. My Pdoc can't handle me and thinks i will committ suicide, maybe because i want to. And i just want out.