Crippled by life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Endlessagony, Aug 2, 2013.

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  1. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    I'm so tired...
    I go to bed every night hoping I wouldn't wake up. I couldn't kill myself for several reasons but I have no fight or strength left in me. I just want to die...

    I haven't been able to function normally for 2 years now, before that I was barely scraping by at work. At that time I quit my job as I was accepted into school but it has been just disasterous. Been battling with severe depression and alcoholism and have gotten about a 1/10 of the study points I'm supposed to.
    I'm now starting from scratch this year but it just seems hopeless...

    Everything in my life is just piling up, I just procrastinate and can't get anything done. I was supposed to meet my guidance counselor and psychologist in the spring but didn't go. It's been 3 months and still haven't gotten back in touch with them. I have to go the dentist as my toothache is horrible but I just suffer in silence, paralyzed. My car is broken down and just got an email from the manager of the apartments that they will tow it away on my charge if I don't move it this week. Have absolutely nowhere to put it though (it won't even start). My money is pretty much gone and I'm not entitled to any more from the government. Not sure how that will turn out. I'm also suffering from severe atopic rashes on my skin and a chronic eye-infection. Been to the doctor several times and tried a bunch of different ointments and drops, nothing helps. Perhaps the least of my worries but having your whole body flaking and burning and itching and having perpetual red, itchy and grimy eyes doesn't really help matters.

    Also lost touch with almost every friend I've had, to my family I'm invisible.

    Growing up I had a rough childhood and adolescence. I tried to kill myself when I was 10. Never had any support from home, they just called me a freak as I never went anywhere (eventually dropped out of school and became very secluded)

    I was in an abusive and destructive relationship for almost 10 years.

    I never got to learn to fend for myself or take care of myself. I feel like an abused pet which has been thrown out into wild after being tortured and mistreated it's whole life.

    No idea how I can survive life...

    The only silver lining I have is my girlfriend at the moment and my music (though most days I can't get much done). Just afraid she will soon be fed up with me and leave.

    Just feeling pretty desperate and cornered, that's all.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    GET your girlfriend to bring you to your psychologist and councilor and get on meds and get back on track on you can do this you have support of your gf Get help for you alcoholism inpatient treatment or AA but just do it ok Get your life back hun you can do it you can
  3. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    Got my gf to call my shrink, have an appointment in a few weeks. Should have made it clear that alcohol has not been an issue after rehab a year ago.

    Still I don't think it's gonna solve anything. Been running to the shrink and doctors office so many times the last 2 years it seems pointless. I'm in too much pain to function and the future seems bleak.
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