You can always block your number and call if you think you need to call. They're there for a reason and if you're at risk of hurting yourself it's better to call than not call.
Do you want to say whats going on? I understand you have BPD and have for a while. That's quite treatable if you're amenable to that. Sounds like something more than that may be going on. Did something happen recently to make you feel worse?