I had to take a break from this forum for a couple of days. I got a little overwhelmed and got all caught up with this site. Now I'm ok so I can handle this site again. For a couple of nights, I've been fighting horrible thoughts of me wanting to OD again and I thought up many ways that I can do this. However, I was able to talk myself out of it, but it was too close for comfort. I was debating if I should call the crisis line but I already know what's going to happen. They'll ask me if I'm actively suicidal and have a plan. I would not admit to it for fear of them calling EMS on me and create a big scene. Then they'll conjure up some suggestions about how to cope with my feelings and thoughts by journaling, or do something that would distract me. Then they say they will call me up in 30 minutes to check up on me. If I tell them I still feel bad, then they might call EMS for sure. I just lie back to them and regret that I even called them up in the first place. I posted on Facebook briefly about how I was feeling earlier. My friend, which I thought I didn't have any, responded to my post and cheered me up. I realized that my belief that I have absolutely no friends was untrue. At least I have him. I just wish my neighbors were that supportive. Anyway, I started out crying, then feeling sorry for myself, but then I was happy that my friend cared for me and I stopped crying.