I am so scared of forums of all kinds. People are usually mean with me in them. I have literally three friends and, of course, they're not here all the time. Not even online. No one ever says good morning or good night to me (except my mom, I guess). I'm in a long-distance relationship, and this is starting to make me think about suicide. I have no friends to hang out with, my partner is never online, never answers me. I don't know why. He says he is grounded, but I can see him online sometimes. And he talks to me like, once in every 3 months. I don't want to blame on him, he's anxious and depressed too, but we should help each other, y'know, like a couple. I think he hates me, but this is probably my paranoia working. I'll never know the truth. I feel stuck in my own life. Everyone is having fun and I am here, rooting. Sometimes I want to die for revenge. I want them to feel guilty because of what they do to me. I want to have fun, I want to be around people who are here for me, who can deal with a depressed friend. I want to die so badly. I don't want to stay here for "the people who will miss me", I don't want people to miss me. The last person who said that would miss me if I killed myself turned into a transphobic feminist and now fights for people like me to be dead. Her name is Fernanda. She now is one of the reasons I want to die. I don't want to live in a world that pressures teenagers into hating themselves, I don't wanna be a teenager and I don't wanna hate myself anymore. I'll never be happy, I've accepted it, but why can't I just chill? I'm angry. I'll turn seventeen in 15 days, why, why am I so sad. I'm into antidepressants, I'm into selfharm, I'm into death. I'm ashamed of my body. I'm ashamed of being transgender, I hate talking about it, I hate people's reaction. I'm ashamed of being alive. I'll probably try suicide again today. And I'll probably fail.