Crisis?

My mentor says Im in crisis? The chronic feelings of suicide in may ways to me have become calm and not bothering me as much as it has in last several years. I feel Like Ive had closed off so much inside thats its not bothering me so much. I feel like Oh well I cant trust anyone anymore. The one person I thought i could trust my mentor, has hurt me. I know it wasnt on purpose but she did it anyway. It left me with my mind and heart feeling two different things. It involved me seeing my mentor with a new volunteer to have the volunteer work with me about the anxiety and agoraphobia issues to name a few. Its not with she did but what she said. It left me feeling like she didnt believe me and like I was this horrible person. I tried to talk with her through e-mail and on the phone, but dont think she really understands what she did, and I feel like I cant face the volunteer because I will have to keep trying to prove things to her. My mentor, was the one person who said she wouldnt leave me or hurt me ect. But, I feel I cant ever trust her again. What we had, we wont ever have anymore. That day was bad to, because it was a week where the chronic suicide feelings were bad. My mentor dosent want to push her away, but how can I not? I feel like Ive been climbing the walls because of all the triggers and upset that has happened because of the meeting. I feel like Im dead inside for the most part, like if she cared than why did she hurt me? So confused, lost and feeling so alone. I just want to go to bed and not deal with anyone, as I cant stand to be hurt anymore.

 

Sorry to hear of your problems Jewels, Hope you feel better soon and also hope you can sort it out with your mentor x x x x

 

Hi, thank you... Been trying to but dont think she really understands..

 

I just wanted to pop back in and check on you. How are you hun? Hopefuly better. :hug: I'm always here if ya neeed me.







x

 

Hi, hope your well.... Thank you for checking up on me. I was doing somewhat better but am feeling really low and huritng a lot emotionally and physically lately. Dont how much more I can stand. I wish I could cry and or release this pain in a good positive way. My entor is away for 3 weeks and this week is her second and relally could use support...