I haven't really posted much here. I've had PTSD for many years after being raped and sexually assaulted by a stranger in a car park at knife point about 17 years ago. He threatened to kill me, and I thought I was going to die. I've had many ups and downs over the years and have tried to OD a few times. I'm having a pretty crap time at the moment because of suicidal thoughts caused by flashbacks/ not sleeping/ nightmares when I do sleep etc etc. Same old crap different day, only somehow worse. The suicidal thoughts scare the crap out of me because, I have a few times in the recent past, completely paniced and O/D'd. I know when I'm feeling rational that I don't want to die, but then this totally irrational, hysterical person takes over and does crazy things just to stop the pain and overwhelming thoughts. My GP has prescibed me benzo's (diazepam and temazepam) to help me through the weekend. I've been taking them, but to be honest, they're not helping much.