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Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by miXXedUp, Jun 13, 2010.

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  1. miXXedUp

    miXXedUp Member

    I haven't really posted much here.

    I've had PTSD for many years after being raped and sexually assaulted by a stranger in a car park at knife point about 17 years ago. He threatened to kill me, and I thought I was going to die.

    I've had many ups and downs over the years and have tried to OD a few times.

    I'm having a pretty crap time at the moment because of suicidal thoughts caused by flashbacks/ not sleeping/ nightmares when I do sleep etc etc. Same old crap different day, only somehow worse.

    The suicidal thoughts scare the crap out of me because, I have a few times in the recent past, completely paniced and O/D'd. I know when I'm feeling rational that I don't want to die, but then this totally irrational, hysterical person takes over and does crazy things just to stop the pain and overwhelming thoughts. My GP has prescibed me benzo's (diazepam and temazepam) to help me through the weekend. I've been taking them, but to be honest, they're not helping much.
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    What country are you in?<edit> Just saw on your profile, your in england :laugh: shoulda really looked at that first! have you tried these guys http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/ i know what happened to you was a long time ago, but its never to late to get help for it.
    Have you ever recieved therapy for what happened to you? Talking about it is one of the hardest things you'll even do, but they can help you through it. Can your GP refer you to a therapist?
    You are not alone and you can lean on us, listen to your rational side, focus on keeping hold of that. :hug:
  3. miXXedUp

    miXXedUp Member

    I've tried all sorts of people for help. I was waiting for an NHS referal since Feb, which has now fallen through. I'm now being told that my only route forward is to go private.

    Rape crisis don't have anything in my area.

    Whilst I know that I need long term help to deal with this fully, I also need short term help for all the suicidal thoughts I have right now.

    I'm trying to resist an impulsive act, but I just get so irrational, it scares me.

    Thanks for your reply.
  4. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I understand the suicidal urges, believe me I do, have you told your GP how much its affecting you? and how strong they are? Do you have an immediate plans? can you get refered to a therapist for suicidal feelings? you can also try http://www.mind.org.uk/
  5. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    mysheep has basically said everything I would like to say in reply to your posts, so I don't really have anything to add to it, unfortunately.
    But I didn't want to leave without leaving you a message, saying we're here to listen. Maybe it'll help to vent a bit too.

    Like mysheep said; listen to your rational side, hang in there.
    Lean on us

  6. miXXedUp

    miXXedUp Member

    Thank you mysheep,

    My GP is has been aware for a while. He knows about my previous OD's. I spoke to him on Friday afternoon, when I was in a pretty bad way, and he prescribed me the benzo's to help get me through the weekend. I have an appt with him tomorrow morning.

    I just need to be ableto survive till then. The meds seemed to help a little yesterday. The flashbacks and stuff were still there, but I felt calmer about them. But today I feel very anxious again. I'm just so sick of seeing 'his' face, hearing 'his' voice, smelling 'those' smells, and feeling the pain.

    Also thank you for the links - I will have a look.
  7. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    If you are feeling really down you can always come into chat as well to try to get your mind off the suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it helps to hear people talk about other things for a while, I know it has helped me before. Take care.
  8. miXXedUp

    miXXedUp Member

    Thank you for your thoughts Sa Palomera.

    It is very frustrating trying to get help on the NHS, especially since it has been going on so long. I've come across some dreadful therapists, who have caused me more harm than good, and also psychiatrists who only seem to want to medicate me.

    If I broke my leg, the apropriate treatment would be there immediately, but because I have a 'mental health' problem, it's like hitting my head against a brick wall. It's so hard to ask for help in the first place, so it's very disappointing to ask and get no where.
  9. alices_ponder

    alices_ponder Well-Known Member

    I am really sorry to hear about what you are going through and you will be in my thoughts and prayers to ensure that you will be OK :hugtackles: I hope you find the support you are looking for and there are a lot of people on here who have been through similar to what you have been through. I just hope that you can work through your problems. Have you told your doctor that your medication is not working for you?? :hugtackles:
  10. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I'm only trying to help mixxed :hug: I dont know if it will help you, but your not alone. You have found us now, you can use us to keep you (hopefully) sane till tomorrow, can you use chat? its a good distraction when the right people are in there. Or you can always PM me I'm nearly online 24/7 or I'm never far away. I can relate to you, I'm here for you
  11. miXXedUp

    miXXedUp Member

    My GP is fully aware of everything. We have a good relationship, and he is one of the few people that I'm able to be totally honest with. I think he is almost as frustrated as me, by the lack of help available!
  12. miXXedUp

    miXXedUp Member

    Thank you all for your support. I will have a read of the chat rules, then maybe head over there.

  13. miXXedUp

    miXXedUp Member

    I can't get in to chat. I've upgraded my Java, and restarted my computer.

    Never mind - thanks for all your support
  14. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    you can pm me mixxed :hug:
  15. alices_ponder

    alices_ponder Well-Known Member

    PM whenever you want:) :hugtackles:
  16. miXXedUp

    miXXedUp Member

    I'm feeling really anxious again at the moment. I did manage to get some rest last night, but I've just been in a panic state all morning. I need these thoughts to STOP.
  17. alices_ponder

    alices_ponder Well-Known Member

    :hug: Just calm down for a while. Take deep breathes and try to clear your mind.. Now, you need to do something today to take your mind of these thoughts! Is there anyone you could go out with? If not, what about cuddling up in bed with a funny film? That actually always works for me, it distracts me from my thoughts :hug: xoxoxooxoxox
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