This is a never ending madness, I always wondered how people could exist Like this. Now I know! Oh, How i CRY OUT in my silence! this painful existence seems just go on and ON. I seem to keep reaching out but then pull away There are seemingly to me no rewards for existence, except perhaps more of the pain that never seems to stop I walked outside early this Evening ,The Sky in the west that so intense deep red-pink Sky, the like I have not seen for a long time. The sky almost made me cry, because it was so beautiful, but I couldn't say that, I don't use that word anymore, I use to wake in the morning and say what a beautiful day as I walked outside or I would stand and considered how the day was going to be I have not even thought that word, except to describe something that evoked that feeling in me prior to my unconscious effort to blot the word out of my vocabulary, I don't want to feel it anymore, I can't bear the thought that there are beautiful things, things that I can no longer see, feel or appreciate I want to feel numb, I cannot even do that, I turned around and went in the house, I turned my back on the sunset. How and Why do I go on, how do I keep perpetuating this existence, that day after day keeps me in pain, utter hopelessness, just to drag through another day! I again Cry Out In Silence I can't feel, hear or taste beauty anymore, least of all in myself. I don't even take Pictures any more, I will never see a sky like that again in my life time, it is lost, gone never to return, never again to evoke that kind of feeling in me again Nothing is beautiful to me anymore I cry at the loss of that!