My immediate idea was to post in the Crisis forum, but I need to be strong for others who might look there and I fully intend to be. Those of you who are also on the edge, who are reading this, please don't think that I can't handle talking to you. I want to help you. I'm so sorry, this crisis thing has come at such a fucking awful time. I know that. You all mean far more to me than I do. Please, please hang on. I am, hanging on, for now, and I know you can too. Sammie especially, I think you're fucking fantastic! Don't you dare go leaving me now before I even know you fully! :hug: I hope we can both get through this together. I am having a Crisis. Yes, again. I know I'm completely bloody pathetic. But it's been a little while anyway, I've been feeling better lately. Not suicidal at least. I keep going over and over the stuff m my counsellor told me yesterday. I can't get it out of my head. It means I am thoroughly (actively) depressed and suicidal again. I cannot concentrate to revise so I am going to fuck all that up AGAIN. Fucking straight-A student. I'm fucked. I know I am fucked. But before I was still looking forward to the festival this weekend. Looking forward to the summer. I can't look forward now. Everything hurts too much. :cry: This morning my boyfriend tried to persuade me to get him off. He was quite pushy, as anyone would be, as everyone is. I didn't. But I felt rotten about the whole situation. This is not the first time, but at least this time he eventually took No for an answer. This evening I got upset with him about it and he compared it to the most trivial shit. He said the times when I've given in (i.e. said Okay/Yes) in the past it has been my decision. He knows what my therapist said yesterday about the situation with S____ and yet he still said this just now. :cry: It's all my fault. The whole situation with that sociopathic **** was my fault. I "made my own decisions". Whatever. Oh God :cry: :cry: :blub: I am in such a state. I cut my legs up again. Even though on Thursday I am supposed to be sharing a tent with a friend who doesn't know I self harm. I only had healing/healed wounds and a bunch of scars until just now, I was hoping to pass it all off as something I did in the past. My mum was no help earlier. I reached out and asked her for help and she threw it back in my face. What do I have anymore???