Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by see, May 17, 2008.

  1. see

    see Well-Known Member

    I t started about 11 months ago an ordinary day i was caught in a dark hole of depression and in a desperate grab to life i posted on a suicide website and one person responded,her name was Conni......

    Over the past few months we have come to know each other and we formed a strange bond.From the beginning i realized that she was very different and she opened my eyes to a different side of the human mind and behavior she shared some of her darkest experiences with me and slowly it all started to make sense the not sleeping the paranoia the multiple personalities the strange behaviors outlooks on life stories of rebellion abuse heartache and pain, her desperate need for love and companionship for peace from her demons from her everyday life....

    I have never felt so helpless in my life listening to her but failing to help all i could do was listen and love her as much as a stranger 10 000miles on the Internet could.

    Things have been building up and the past two days they came to a head she had been awake for 5 days the paranoia was rampant the personalities so intense it was hard to follow her sometimes and she let it slip that she was leaving for good she was going to commit suicide she had planed it to a tee that the time was right that there was no reason to continue and as hard as i tried i couldn't find a reason not to agree with her i promise if you knew her story and the total hopelessness of her future u would maybe also think so but in spite of what i thought i talked and pleaded with her to change her mind for almost 8 hours but in the end all i could do was be with her tell her i love her and watch her swallow the pills she never gave me her number or address so i couldn't phone anyone we always just talked on the Internet ...

    I prayed like i have never before the past hours and when the pills kicked in and she lost consciousness i felt my heart rip and a unbelievable anger and sadness settle over me....Every time she stopped breathing i scream at her trough the headsets and she started breathing again and tears of joy and fear just kept rolling down my face ..... Here breathing finally stopped and she was free the sadest part her son only phoned now to tell me they found her this morning 48 hours later ...........
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear about this, see.. :hug:

    That must have been awful for you to just sit there and not be able to do anything. You did all you could, but she was determined. It must have been a comfort to her knowing that she wasn't alone when she died. :hug:

    I'm sorry for the loss :sad:

  3. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i am so sorry, thats just really sad.

    you done all you could.
  4. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    we rand will always be ue fiends we talked at lenght tonight and we both know if thats what a person wants we are powerless to stop it but im here for you hun now and always luv ya xxxx
  5. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    thats so sad, but you did all you could. dont hate yourself for it.
    thinking of you xx
  6. Sentient-Blizzard

    Sentient-Blizzard Well-Known Member

    I cried,I'm sorry for ur loss this is the sadest story I've ever heard. I really am:awww:. How are you feeling?
  7. ZundertowZ

    ZundertowZ Well-Known Member

    wow! thats a really rough thing2 go through! how r u doing? if u need 2 talk 2 some1 feel free 2 contact me.
  8. Cas

    Cas Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. :hug:
  9. see

    see Well-Known Member

  10. see

    see Well-Known Member

    The world just keeps turning thats how much a life is worth :cry:
  11. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That is a very sad story. I am so sorry that this happened :sad:
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    i am so sorry for what happened.