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Crying again

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#1
I want to kill myself. Im one step away.
I would be leaving nothing and no one behind... but i know its not right. And this resistance creates so much pain... i told myslef... i will finish everything i have to do for today and then see how i will feel. I will try to put IT off... moment by moment, and to somehow survive this day. But it's bad. God knows its bad. And the quantum ALL gives zero fucks.
 

lifetalkz

Well-Known Member
#2
It sounds like you're having a really bad day....can you share a bit about the events that led up to this? Did something happen that upset you? You mentioned the quantum...what is that?
 

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#3
It sounds like you're having a really bad day....can you share a bit about the events that led up to this? Did something happen that upset you? You mentioned the quantum...what is that?
Hey!
Nothing really happened. I think this is how i feel all the time. Some days i can keep my mind busy, some days I cant. Like today.
I dont really have anyone that keeps me here. I dont have a... reason to be alive. It is difficult not to slip.
The 'quantum all' is just... the universe. I know... we are the creators of our own opportunity in life. But... i just dont get why am I the way I am? Why i had to go trough everything I went trough? Why nothing heals my pain? Is there really no point to all of this? Is the universe just a big accident, and nothing we do here has any point?
It's just a lot of questions with no answers. I dont want to get into that.
...i dont know what to add. Just having a bad day... thanks for being around *shake
 

FlamingoWrangler

🦩🦩🦩🦩
#4
I want to kill myself. Im one step away.
I would be leaving nothing and no one behind... but i know its not right. And this resistance creates so much pain... i told myslef... i will finish everything i have to do for today and then see how i will feel. I will try to put IT off... moment by moment, and to somehow survive this day. But it's bad. God knows its bad. And the quantum ALL gives zero fucks.
hello @IDontWantToDie

i give a fuck. Now you have 1 fuck! 🥳🤔.
{Insert joke here}
(because i have the sense of humor of a 12 yo boy).

for real- i don’t want you to hurt. I don’t want you to die.

sorry about my tangent. i hope it doesn’t offend you.
SF is a good place to discover ways & reasons to go on. Keep up the good fight. 💜🦩
 

Jane65

Well-Known Member
#6
I also give a f**k!
I'm trying not to die at this very moment too.... I so get your, what's is all about question to the universe.
I am surviving by committing to live 10mins at a time and for each 10mins trying to find one tiny good thing. Noticing how comfortable my dog is sleepjng on my lap was the one good thing for the previous 10mins.... this 10mins one good thing is this community and feeling heard and standing alongside other people who are hurting too.

So @IDontWantToDie please stick around and keep me company.... if you want to.... but ignore me is fine if it feels right.... it's ok... whatever helps you get by x
 

lifetalkz

Well-Known Member
#8
Hey!
Nothing really happened. I think this is how i feel all the time. Some days i can keep my mind busy, some days I cant. Like today.
I dont really have anyone that keeps me here. I dont have a... reason to be alive. It is difficult not to slip.
The 'quantum all' is just... the universe. I know... we are the creators of our own opportunity in life. But... i just dont get why am I the way I am? Why i had to go trough everything I went trough? Why nothing heals my pain? Is there really no point to all of this? Is the universe just a big accident, and nothing we do here has any point?
It's just a lot of questions with no answers. I dont want to get into that.
...i dont know what to add. Just having a bad day... thanks for being around *shake
Hi there...All of your questions are right, not wrong. Obviously, this is just my personal opinion...no one has any more valid reason to exist than anyone else, so we're all even. If someone believes that they have more valid reasons to exist than other people, that's their delusion and they have every right to live it out and think that about themselves 24/7. Just like-you have a every right to carefully examine what you think about yourself 24/7 and change those thoughts so that they're more aligned with reality, not fantasy.

Most people lead unexamined lives (just my opinion). They live in a fantasy world in their minds because it feels a lot better than the real world. Most people are not even aware of how distorted their thought processes are. The truth about life is terrifying...they don't want to feel that fear, feel so vulnerable and exposed all the time-so they make up stories in their minds that take that fear away and neutralize it. You are in a position where you are directly in touch with the fear that they avoid. This is not something that you chose-it's a situation that you've ended up in, but it doesn't have to be permanent.

While it is true that you suffer in ways that many people could never comprehend, it is not true that you've been victimized to an extent that you could never recover. There are many who have suffered more than you have and for longer and they still came to a place of clarity in their lives where they no longer felt victimized by pain and suffering. Complete recovery is possible for you. I think it's important to understand all of the possibilities that are available to you. I certainly wish you the very best going forward. PM me if you think that there is anything I could offer that might help. I check SF 2-3 times per week. Best wishes-LT
 

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#9
Hi there...All of your questions are right, not wrong. Obviously, this is just my personal opinion...no one has any more valid reason to exist than anyone else, so we're all even. If someone believes that they have more valid reasons to exist than other people, that's their delusion and they have every right to live it out and think that about themselves 24/7. Just like-you have a every right to carefully examine what you think about yourself 24/7 and change those thoughts so that they're more aligned with reality, not fantasy.

Most people lead unexamined lives (just my opinion). They live in a fantasy world in their minds because it feels a lot better than the real world. Most people are not even aware of how distorted their thought processes are. The truth about life is terrifying...they don't want to feel that fear, feel so vulnerable and exposed all the time-so they make up stories in their minds that take that fear away and neutralize it. You are in a position where you are directly in touch with the fear that they avoid. This is not something that you chose-it's a situation that you've ended up in, but it doesn't have to be permanent.

While it is true that you suffer in ways that many people could never comprehend, it is not true that you've been victimized to an extent that you could never recover. There are many who have suffered more than you have and for longer and they still came to a place of clarity in their lives where they no longer felt victimized by pain and suffering. Complete recovery is possible for you. I think it's important to understand all of the possibilities that are available to you. I certainly wish you the very best going forward. PM me if you think that there is anything I could offer that might help. I check SF 2-3 times per week. Best wishes-LT
That was awesome!
Thank you
 

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