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Crying and being sad

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by smithjake1991, Jan 1, 2011.

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  1. smithjake1991

    smithjake1991 New Member

    I want to die.

    Anyways,here is my story. I am 19 years old. I met an attractive girl when I walked into a DECA meeting (16 years old). She was pretty nice,attractive and posts a good GPA (3.95). I ,on the other hand, feel like I am not attractive and it took me three years to get my cumulative GPA from 1.394 to barely a 2.0. She got 12 varsity letters (4 in soccer,Basketball and Track) and graduates top 1% of our class and was the president of NHS. She is really nice but wont add me on Facebook. Anyways, I hate my life. Nothing will get done. There is more to that.

    In middle school, I was taunted and bullied by students. I should had fought some students so I can get expelled or I die so they can be charged with murder. I never escape from bullying through middle school. Myspace and an incompetent administration made matters worse. Anyways, the vice principle files a false police report about a hand-chop because he thought the gesture was inappropriate. What a F****** loony. Anyways, the school gets mad at us because we are at "fault" so we get bullied because they knew we were at fault. I hate the system. Nowadays, we have kids getting arrested for farting in class,an autistic boy gets accused of being a terrorist for having a drawing that contained a gun whereas bullying is not disciplined even if it is constant. My plan is to die and I will tell someone that I have a letter that contains information to get the vice principal fired and arrested. I die, he gets fired and arrested and my crush realizes that she was lied to. Society benefits from me dying because it also exposes Brendan Johnson's case. Brendan Johnson was a student at Covington who got expelled because the vice principle thought he sprayed Listerine in that boys eyes. Even if I do a good thing, I rarely get praised for it. All one kid has to do is throw a ball. I would have to do lots of things to woo a crowd of people. I feel hopeless. My crush rejected me throught high school and I tried to get her to come to a couple of dances with me. I like her but things are not working out because the kids who should be expelled are not expelled because of the loony bird brain VP. It was a failing school back in 2008 and No Child Left Behind states that if a school is "failing" they need a school improvement plan and must also provide the option for a student to transfer if it is unsafe. We needed them out because they cannot handle it. I have had rumors about me and I cant take it.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry the system is not working where you are. You are still young but old enough to move out on your own soon make a new life for you. I hope in time you meet someone who can appreciate you okay Take care really concentrate on what it is you want to do in life and go after it okay let the past be that
  3. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Hi Jake(?) and welcome to SF.
    You have an awful lot of things going on in your head at the moment don't you?
    I can sympathise with anything to do with school. I'm a lot older than you (46) but I still cringe when I think about my school days. The system is different in the UK, we go to primary school from 5-11 years, then secondary school from 11 - 16 years. After that we can leave or go on to Sixth Form (16 - 18 years) and then Uni.
    I hated primary school but my troubles really started in secondary school. I left 2 months before my 16th birthday with no qualifications whatsoever but the feeling of relief when I walked out of the school grounds for the last time is still with me today.
    So I understand how horrible it is, I know how unfair those places are, I know that there are teachers and admin staff who should never be allowed near children running the places.
    You know what though? It ends. It really does. You walk out and you never have to go there again. You're allowed to move on with your life.
    The best bit of all though is that all those horrible teachers/VP's - they're still stuck there and they're stuck there for the rest of their lives. Its the best revenge that we can have. We get to leave and they don't. Honestly, if you really want revenge, stay alive! Go and be happy because that will wind them up more than anything.
    If you need to talk, we're all here for you. Try to stay strong. You're not going to be stuck in this position for ever.
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