Every day, I lie in bed and cry for hours. Wishing I were female is extremely painful, and I just want to die. So many things in my life remind me that I have a male body, and at the end or beginning of a day, these built-up feelings get released as suicidal thoughts and crying. I have to avoid looking at reflections, or I can break into tears. At work, I wait until the men's room is empty before I go in. My body is just too masculine to ever appear female. I feel completely deprived of an identity, and of love, just because my mind doesn't match my body. I might as well not exist. I don't want to feel this pain all the time anymore. I want to write my suicide note, but I'm afraid that my therapist will have me locked up.