Crying for the moon

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Prof.Bruttenholm, Jun 15, 2010.

  1. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    It's a phrase, it means, you can see what you want, it seems as though you could reach out and take it but that's only perspective, in reality, it's millions of miles away.

    That's my dream of being a graphic designer.

    All artists/designers before got started in art very young, all having passions for it and gaining skill early on.

    Me? I never got pushed into art, I just had a fondness for it that never grew because I didn't know I could do more with it and no one pushed me into doing more with it.
    I tell people I got serious in highschool, but it was barely that and it was late in highschool.
    The fact of the matter is I am a terrible artist/designer. I'll never achieve my dream.

    When I tell people that, they always say "well can't you do something else?"
    Do what? Choose another career I'd just be unhappy with because my dream was never realized and I spent my life lying to myself that I made the right decision?
    No, this is why I rationalize and contemplate suicide.
    Because I'm nothing special, no great artist, just an idiot who got to the race too late.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Why do you think you're a terrible artist?
  3. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Because my art is terrible.

    Less than mediocre, I practice and never improve. I want to be as good as some of my favorite artists and I know they practiced for years, but I don't have that kind of time.

    Fact is, even if I get accepted to a good art school (and nothing says I will), I will probably not be able to find work as a graphic designer because of my crappy skills.
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Many areas of graphic design are completely computer-based, manipulating photos and creating designs with simple geometric shapes. As long as you enjoy designing-- even if you were the 'worst' artist in the world, you could do graphic design. Just not manual illustration.

    But... I will say this as an artist--- as long as you enjoy what you do and put your heart into your work; it is art. Art will touch people in different ways. It doesn't have to be a perfect life-like sculpture to be considered art, and it doesn't have to move every person who sees it. If it moves you, then chances are- it will move at LEAST one other person on the planet, and that is true art.

    It's true that if you get your start later on in life, it will be harder-- but if that is what you want to do, you can still try.
  5. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I am trying, I practice everyday. But I never really improve.

    And as for me liking my art, I don't, it's never going to be good enough.
    I know that most graphic design work is computer based, but not all of it.

    Some of the simple and cheap stuff is done using only computers but some of the best things are done using manual illustration and even painting.

    Of course, I can't take a painting course for my summer course because it was canceled, so now I am taking digital photography instead.

    My portfolio stands empty as is and I know I wont improve enough in a few months so it looks like it's gonna stay empty...
  6. Elire

    Elire Member

    Stop comparing yourself to others.

    Does drawing make you happy? In the end, that is all that matters.
    Heck, Michael Turner didn't start drawing until he was late highschool early twenties, and look how successful Top Cow and Aspen Studios are.

    Draw for yourself above all things. I know how hard it is to struggle with yourself. I'm pretty despondent over my own art on the best of days. Don't give up. Do what makes you happy, and who knows, someday you may get noticed. You may not, but what does it matter? I'm unsure of what kind of art you're into, but here are some books that I've found that have helped me significantly. Art is such a learning process, you can never really stop, y'know?

    Just look at Frank Frazetta. He kept on drawing until the end, even though a stroke made him lose ability with his right hand, he went and learned with his left.

    Art is 1% talent, and 99% hard work.

    Various Books:
    Force - Dynamic Life Drawing for Animators - Michael D Mattesi
    Bridgman's Complete Guide to Drawing from Life
    Figure Drawing - Design and Invention by Michael Hampton

    Improvement isn't immediate. Usually, I never even notice when I improve until someone else mentions it.
  7. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I agree with the talent v. hard work percentages, but other than that, not much else.
    Michael Turner was a special case. I'm nothing special and art normally makes me happy but how can I feel happy when it's all crap?

    Everyone keeps telling me, live for my art, well I can't if my art is sufficient to make an honest living.
    I want to be a graphic designer, a career artist. The kind of person whose job and favorite thing are one in the same.

    Benjamin Franklin said " A man who finds a job he loves, will never work a day in his life".
    That's what I want but I'll never get it.
  8. Elire

    Elire Member

    Why limit yourself? You can sit there telling yourself that you'll never get anywhere, and just sit and muse on it, or you can actively fight for your goal. At least, that's the way I see it. Move past the "I hate my art" phase and go into the "study my ass off forever" phase?

    There are a lot of guys I've watched who have gotten into the biz just by busting their ass. I mean, you can't be that old. I have a few friends in their forties that are just now busting into the comics biz since they never really applied themselves. Comics are what I'm aiming for as well, but not DC, Marvel, or any of the big names. They treat their talent like crap.

    As for people who've applied themselves, there's
    Matthew Humpreys . He worked at a bank for the longest time, just kept applying himself, and BLAM, can now support himself via his art.

    I think a lot of it is just application. Either do or don't.
    I'm pretty sure you can do this, it's just a matter of getting past your limits. Try not to compare yourself to your friends so much and just put your entire soul and effort into your pieces. Or don't. The choice is always yours.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2010
  9. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Okay, I can agree with again "some" of what you said. The whole DC, Marvel talent thing, definitely, I'd work for them but not exclusively.
    I was thinking of starting with smaller or lesser known companies.

    As for studying forever, I know as an artist you are always practicing and always improving, but I don't want to work until I am 45 (I am 21 by the way) just to get into the graphic design business.

    My ultimatum for myself is this.

    Step 1.) Improve art to acceptable level
    Step 2.) Make acceptable portfolio and transfer to a major art school
    Step 3.) Graduate with Bachelor's in Graphic Design and start a career as a graphic designer

    If I fail to improve my art then I wont get accepted to a good art college rather than my current crappy community college and fail to become a graphic designer, which will result in me committing suicide.

    If I fail to graduate with a bachelors then I won't have sufficient education to at least get myself in the door to most companies so I can start work as a graphic designer, which will result in me committing suicide.

    If I succeed in improving my art and graduating but fail to become a graphic designer with one to two years of graduating, then I will commit suicide.

    Basically, I have roughly 4 to 8 months depending upon when I am interviewed if accepted to my art college of choice to improve my art and make a working portfolio.

    I am not the average suicidal case, where I have a sob story saying "life sucks, no one understands me". I agree, life can suck and very few people can 100% understand me, but I like the fact no one understands me, never wanted people to in the first place.
    I am intelligent, very much so in fact. I've rationalized all my thoughts and am content with them.
    I simply see no reason to live if I can not achieve what I want in a timely manner.
  10. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Always do what you have a passion for. F people who say can't you do something else. Live for your dream and try to have some faith in yourself. It is fine to have a plan to fall back on, but never stop your art. I stopped dancing for a major in poli sci and although I like my major, I am miserable for having stopped doing what I loved the past 3 years. Haven't danced since I was 19 except for just at home and clubs.
  11. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Fall back plan? There is no fall back plan.

    It's graphic designer or I put a 45 round in my medulla oblongotta ( the control center of heart and lungs).

    I plan to work hard, practice and attempt to improve my art, but it's simple.
    I'll do my best, if it turns out my best wasn't enough or I simply started doing art too late because no one pushed me when I was young, then my life is a total waste and I'll kill myself.

    Why should I live a horrible life? If I can't live my dream that's what I'll have.
  12. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Hey, I know you don't like that fall back plan stuff. However, maybe it doesn't necessarily have to be another career. Remember that sometimes life takes unexpected turns and maybe things turn out for the better. For example, you could meet the woman of your dreams or end up on a totally different path than you envisioned and then there will be no reason to end it.
  13. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Woman of my dreams? No, you see, I am negative, anti-social and ugly, so that's not gonna happen.
    And I'd never sacrifice my dream to be with someone and I wouldn't want the someone I want to be with to expect me to, how is that fair?
    Graphic designers have varying careers including website design, advertisement, concept art for video games and the like, comic books, and a number of other things, so it's simple.

    No fall back plan, just life as I set it out.
    Life can't surprise me, it hasn't so far.
  14. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I don't know where you are, but here, getting a job in graphic design is very difficult. You probably know you need not an excellent portfolio but a brilliant one. I'd venture to say job opportunity isn't that good. My ex was considering doing this (or I think it was product design, as there was a bit more job opportunities) and even then- she realised it'd be a dead end when it came to looking for work and that was a good few years back, and not now where loads of people are struggling to find jobs anyway.

    But when it comes artists who love what they are doing and getting paid- it's rare. Many people who are generally working all the time in their own way are not paid for what they are doing.

    You seem to know your expectations are unrealistic, especially when you know your portfolio is going to be substandard and you're struggling right now. Or it could be that it's just not the right time, and there will be a time when making a portfolio for a BA would be easier.

    So many people go into degrees thinking that will teach them to "be an artist" but many graduate with nothing substantial to show. If, graphic design was your thing- then you'd be into it, regardless of people pushing you when you were young. It's called initiative, and to be a good artist you need a lot of it.

    Maybe you're hankering for this because it seems such a dead end? You sound like you're setting yourself up for suicide?
  15. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I'm not going to school to learn art. School is coincidental. I only want the degree so I can get my foot in the door.
    I am practicing and basically everything I know about art, is self taught, I just use my classes as more time to practice with equipment I don't have readily available.
    I know it is somewhat difficult to become a graphic designer, but not incredibly so where I live.
    All over they're always looking for web designers.

    My main objective is to start small, even if it's web design, while working on my art and portfolio and then hopefully moving up the ladder as I gain more experience, both in art and work.

    My goals seem unrealistic because you're not me. I have more initiative and drive than most people. I am doing all I can, suicide is simply the end result of my life no matter what happens.
    I am mostly worried about getting excepted to a good art college.

    As for getting work with a great portfolio, we could argue that over and over.
    Because there are some people who get work as graphic artists and their stuff is absolute garbage.
    Fact of the matter is, I'll be looking for work while I am in college and if i can't find it during, I'll find it after.

    I never said I was gonna kill myself tomorrow, I am going to work hard for what I want, but why should I choose to just give up my dream just because it's hard? If that's the point then I should just kill myself.

    I'm sorry you live in a place where finding work for a graphic designer is hard, but I have options and I don't intend to live one place forever either.
    I plan to get dual citizenship so I can work in Canada or the U.S., I'll go where ever I can work.
  16. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You don't need to be sorry for me. Graphic design is not my interest and never has been.

    Is the course at an art school you're hoping to get into a BA or something that prepares you for a degree?

    You sound like you're motivated, and know the options out there, so go for it!

    PS. is anyone helping you with your current portfolio?

    I just wanted to add- a lot work in other jobs as well as earning whatever they can from their design skills to support themselves.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2010
  17. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Okay, not sure if you're from europe but some college related lingo might not match up. So I'll say this, I want to go to a good, reputable art college, to get my BA which is the average degree level for most graphic designers.

    I am motivated, it is my dream.

    As for my current portfolio, no, however, in the fall I'll be taking a class run by one of my favorite teachers, the class is Preparing and Presenting a Portfolio, it's a class designed to help students make a working portfolio for job/college interviews.
  18. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    But will you kill yourself if you don't get in?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 18, 2010
  19. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I have a college of choice, my number one school and somewhere between three to four fall back schools.
    I'd like to point out I said NO on the idea of a "FALL BACK PLAN", but everyone who plans to go to college knows you have your school or schools of choice then fall back schools.

    I have a preferred school, second choice school, two fall backs and possibly more, I will be sending in college applications in august so I have time to decide if I am gonna apply to just four or more, but if I fail to get into any college at all, then I don't see why I shouldn't kill myself.
    Very few graphic designers make it on their own merit without college education, the few heard about are special and rare.