crying so much that i dont care anymore

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by forever_scarred, Jun 2, 2010.

  1. forever_scarred

    forever_scarred Well-Known Member

    i will never admit how much i envy everyone, how much it hurts to see everyone able to chat and having a good time. i look at myself and feel so hurt because i am all alone. i cant socialize as a normal human being, cant say what i need to...feel so alone. its not a loneliness i could ever explain, its a feeling so deep down in my soul that words are not enough. i had just lost my boyfriend whom i love/loved very much...when megan left i felt like the world was falling apart again...and with moms birthday and date of her death coming up...there are just no words to describe how i feel. just a sadness emanating from my soul.

    i dont even bother talking anymore, what i do say gets taken wrong...theres just no point. crying is not enough as i sit here tears flood down my cheeks and no way to stop them, i just cry and cry. i dont look for attention i avoid it if i can..i dot speak unless i have to and it looks like i wont be doing that ever again. im in so much pain and yet i never speak it, its always kept inside...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    crying may not be enough but it helps to let the pain out it helps okay Let the tears keep coming keep flowing i am doing that now let the tears come until yu are allworn out and go to sleep okay life is cruel so dam cruel but know i understand i do and i hope letting all the tears out help you heal a little
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Those who cry need to be heard. They want to be safe,we all do. Here you are safe. So cry and scream much as you need. :hug: you will feel better. Just don't be silent.
  4. lifehiker

    lifehiker Member

    You don't have to explain your loneliness to me. I understand it completely. I had an occasion to be at a gathering of friends, although I hardly feel like I belong anymore. They were taking about plans for an upcoming dinner and other events, none of which I even knew about. I felt completely isolated. Although they say they care about me, I almost never hear from anyone. I desperately want to reach out, but I'm so afraid of how I will be perceived, I can't even pick up the phone.

    I once tried to just get a friend to just let me talk when I was really down, but I was told that's what the suicide help lines were for. They're worried about me, but weeks go by where no one so much as sends an email to say hello. And now when someone asks how I am, I always say "fine" because I feel sure they don't want to know the real truth.

    We're suppose to be such a connected society. But I think we're less connected now then when we didn't have the Internet and so many different communication devices. Four billion interconnected people on the entire planet and not one I feel I can reach out to in a time of crisis.

    I wish I could cry. Something deep inside wants to. But mostly I feel numb and hurt and hopeless.

    Not every encouraging, is it? But I do care about others, often more than I care about myself. I guess the best I can tell you is that I understand. You probably don't believe it. I never do when others tell me the same. But I think that knowing you are out there and feel like I do makes me feel just a little less alone. Maybe if you know I'm here and feel like you do, you'll feel just a little less alone.
  5. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I know how it is to lose somebody close and it is an emptiness that never goes away. However, try to live your life in a way that would make your mother proud. I am sure it would hurt her to see you hurting so much. If you just feel like you can not talk to anybody in real life, come and post on here. Also, keeping a journal helps. A real written journal is nice too because writing is just therapeutic sometimes. Hope stuff gets better for you soon as well as the rest of us on here. HUGS!
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I know how you are feeling, trust me I know ...

    Dunno what to say to you apart from the fact that I am here anytime you need me :) x
  7. Pow

    Pow Well-Known Member

    I'm the same, when I was little I could talk but now it's like "why bother",
    I find it's too much of an effort to contribute to a conversation and i've just lost the feel of wanting to interact with everybody else. I don't find what any of they say interesting nor can I relate to any of it.