I write on this site when I am serious. When I feel fine, I completely forget about it. I don't want to think about it. If I get on that track, I'm usually close to gone. I have too much wonderful stuff to build and write and figure out. I'm not really suicidal. I have CSI, which I think is a real problem. Chronic, suicidal. I'm not really suicidal. Just exhausted to the point where I am lost. Can't remember directions. Can't remember how to spell. I almost killed myself April 18. Everything was set up. Then a friend stopped me. I was almost happy. I have too much to do. I haven't cut for twenty years. I don't want to die. I am just so tired until sometimes I wonder if I have slammed the car door and started the engine. Suicide is a long way over. Hurting is a trip. And tired... Tired is easy. Tired is sleep and prone.