Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Entity, Sep 21, 2011.

  1. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    This may be more of a rant than anything anyone's really interested in, but i thought I'd share just in case someone is thinking the same thing by any chance.

    The mind itself is a curious thing; then there’s what’s in the mind to be added.

    I often find myself wandering hopelessly in my mind, thoughtlessly, yet full of thought, catching onto the wonders flying past. I take this ride, this journey through consciousness, and allow it to take me anywhere it wants.

    My heart is my guiding spirit, the polite sort that calmly says what I should do what I should believe. My mind chooses its side carefully and they each form a debate team and decide what’s best; or what’s the most interesting.
    But most of my curiosities revolve around what I should be doing now to prepare myself for the future. What should I be doing in the present time to make the best for the times ahead? But this answer is clear, yet so difficult for my mind to understand.

    There’s an outside force, the light energy that radiates around me, trying to free my mind and spirit from its anxieties; its hopeless curiosities to just ‘live and let live’.

    Live. That word hits me with full force. What does living mean? Am I living if I allow darkness to swallow me whole with its insatiable hunger? Or am I living only if I choose to grab hold of the faint light in the distance?

    The most asked question my thoughts endure the wrath of is “why?”

    One simple word becomes a complicated danger in an instant. But it’s not just dangerous because of its complication; it’s dangerous because its gateway is left wide open. It’s creating vacancy for millions of words creating a copious amount of thoughts, whose only purposes are to attack.
    It’s funny because I'm able to devise all of this, but not the simple answers that I long for. When will I retaliate against these thoughts causing me so much pain? When will I have the strength I require to strive?

    I question things endlessly when I'm sure there’s a simple solution right within my reach. I just haven’t been granted the ability to see what’s in plain view because I'm so blinded by the blurs of my future.

    I’ve fought the battle of depression nearly my entire life, I’ve been able to grasp the light and pour its healing powers over my body, but it always washes off. I fall back into darkness’s bowl so that I may once again help its craving. I hope that one day I will have strength enough to sustain light and love for myself. I hope that one day I will allow it to soak into my skin and allow myself to regain consciousness; to live and let live.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I love how you think how your thought process works I do hope as well you can let in the light again and sustain it for longer this time Depression is like a cycle though hun sometimes medication is needed to ward it off hugs
  3. Entity

    Entity Well-Known Member

    :hug: thank you hun..i really needed that hug
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

  5. suicide43

    suicide43 New Member

    I hear you - lost but never forgotten.