Curious how PTSD Might Cause Hallucinations

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by PandaDesu, Mar 31, 2010.

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  1. PandaDesu

    PandaDesu New Member

    Hrm, Long story short. My step father is abusive, the normal story he started soon after my Mom moved in with him. Only beats me, while being friendly with my Sister and Brother. They all claim to care, but except for my brother nobody ever did anything to stop it.
    (My brother is a Hero, last time when I got strangled to passing out, last thing I remember is my Brother stepping in and trying to pull him off me)

    However, ever since that incident I've been having mental issues. And it's not that I'm always thinking about him, in fact he's hardly a part of my life these days. But through these past 10 years I've never suffered anything like hallucinations. (Except for one time but that was a fluke)

    The last time, was the worse, I was sent to the emergency room then sent to live with my Grandma. But ever since I started living here, things have been progressing. I've started getting these flashbacks, not like in the movies where I see it all. I just hear his voice in my head and suddenly I start bawling in tears uncontrollably. Even when I'm crying I know there's no reason for it, but I can't stop it.

    I've had 3 flashbacks, and more nightmares since then than I can remember. And slowly, I've been having more and more vivid hallucinations. It started simple, a random clicking that nobody could hear but me. Then I started hearing small whisperings, around the corner, so small and quiet I could pass it off as an electronic.

    I figured, if I gave it credit it might agitate the hallucinations so no matter how extreme it got I would simply ignore it, pass it off as nothing, or even credit it to a form of illusions.

    Then, I started seeing cats, where they didn't belong. I'd walk into a dark hallway and see a cat. I could say it's just the darkness. Then I started turning on the light and the cat was there in vivid detail for a few moments. Eventually the cat didn't just disappear. It would walk around the corner and then vanish.

    Then, whenever I was alone for an extended period. Oddly enough, mostly during broad daylight. I would hear very very angry things, whisperings, yelling, thudding of cabinets, shattering of glass. All, in bouts of psychotic episodes. I didn't want to spend my life in extreme terror, so I simply moved on after it was over.

    Then I started getting these momentary black outs, where I would suddenly find myself in a place I don't recall. Always very minor, like about 20 second gap at most. I can easily say I zoned out extremely.

    Then a few days ago, something really disturbed me, and put a lot of my sanity into question. I was in the car, talking with my Mom and my best friend. We were driving around, running errands, going places, etc. Then we started going home.

    Now, I always figured that Hallucinations are obvious to spot, there's plenty of room to question suddenly being somewhere you shouldn't be, or why you have these paranoid delusions. Incredibly easy in my opinion. This hallucination though, flowed so vividly that I didn't even have the room or reason to question it.

    There are two ways to get to the home. Through the main streets, or the neighborhood streets. My Mom goes between the two with seemingly no pattern, they both take the same amount of time give or take a few minutes.

    I remember, seeing her turn into the neighborhood path. I saw the houses, the trees. I even saw a woman whom I mentioned to my friend was a 'dyke' and he replied back 'I was about to say that." (I don't have anything against homosexuals, it's just silly how interesting people portray their sexuality) and we kept going. I even mentioned an old location him and I shared a memory on that street and he responded like he should have.

    Then suddenly, in this hallucination my Mom didn't take the normal path. She eventually deviated and kept going forward. I asked "Wait, where are we going?" She replied "Home?" and then I found myself not where I saw we were. But on the main street path.

    Accompanied with this, my whole body was sweating madly, my heart rate spiked and breathing was very hard to do for about 20 seconds until my body calmed down.

    Is this schizophrenia or can PTSD actually cause something elaborate as this? Even if I don't feel stressed. What's interesting, is for as long as I can remember, even before my step father I've always had a sort of imaginary friend in my head. Always pleasant, nice, uplifting. As time went on I realized it's on par with a voice, and I can essentially switch identities with it. Me becoming him, and him becoming me. So, instead the voice in the head is me, and he becomes the outward personality.

    As the other personality, he can basically fake any personality, any emotion, if I ever hit a peak of emotional stress I can simply call on him to instantly bring my emotions down. It's not really 'numbing' as some people describe. It's simply, not caring enough to feel?

    I can even call on him, when I'm not stressed. I've experimented with this a little, as him I can bring tears to my eyes, get furious to the point of releasing adrenaline, or so excited it makes 13 year old fan girls seem like nothing.

    Oh, I'm also a tranny and I should tell my therapist, but I found a lot of crazy people have delusions including wanting to be the other sex. I'm afraid if I discuss these things she may take me off hormones. Even after hormones, the voice identifies as male.
     
  2. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    I think you should talk with your dr about it. I have PTSD but I also have DID along with other things. Alot of time just before I dissocate I feel like I am in a fog and the world doesn't make much sense. I loose time sometimes hours sometimes days, and then all of a sudden you are somewhere and you have no idea what you have done or how you got there. It can be pretty scary.

    At one point though I did start having hallucinations. Quite bad, I had to go to the hospital and be put on meds for them. I was never told what had caused them, but I have never been diganosed with anything like schizophrenia.

    Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
     
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