curious *may offend*

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by hardcore, Jun 8, 2009.

  1. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    So im a homophobe. I dont like gay guys. In fact I dislike them. I have my reasons. Shit I dont really talk about. But I am curious if anyone thinks I should fight this anger. I personally accpet it willingly. I wont hurt gays or fight against their rights. On the contrary I believe they should all the rights and freedoms as straights. But I don't want to be near them. Sorry if anybody is offended, I just want to know what people think.
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    What's there to say?

    You don't like gays. Should you "fight the anger"?

    I think you should but if it's ingrained that deeply in you it's not going to change no matter what I or anyone else says. You have to WANT to change.

    I spent most of my life as a homophobe with a deep hatred for gays only to figure out I could be gay myself.

    So if you actually WANT to "fight your anger" you should first explore the reasons for your homophobia.

    For me it was a safety net as well as a taught thing.
  3. Im not against gays myself some of my friends are gay (all girls though) i dont mind its the same to me but have had some bad experiences involving male gays i try to stay clear of them.Fight it i do have a nightclub next door to a homo bar im goth so obviously i wear make-up etc but they seem to love it my golden rule talking fine touch me and your sleeping with worms.
  4. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    I already know why I hate gays. I guess I might as well be straight up. I was taken advantage of in a time of great weakness. I don't really know how the hell to let go of that. And I dont mind lesbians at all because that is a world I have not seen into. The hate never used to be there so I dont know if I would call it ingraned. But I am more embarresed about that incident than anything else in my entire life. I am actually pretty paranoied about posting this.
  5. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend


    everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

    but i am curious, as to why you feel like sharing that you dont' like gays, on a forum where we try to be accepting to everyone?

    that part, i don't understand. please don't take it personally, because, even with your beliefs, you should find acceptance and non-judgment here.

    when you actively dislike a person or persons, whether based on race, creed, sexual orientation, socio-economic background, etc. , , , you create negative energy that reverberates througout humanity like a pebble dropped in water creates ripples that never end. ultimately it poisons you, its source.

    negativity is never healthy.

    perhaps though, as i'd like to think, you posted this here, in order to move forward with some personal growth, and one start would be in self-acceptance.
    from there, you could perhaps, move on to accepting all others.
    we are all just human man. we are all just trying to get by. we are all just trying to find our place in this world and to maybe get some small measure of happiness.

    i hope you find yours. and though i am not gay, i have tons of friends who are. and they all deserve their place in this world and their own measure of happiness, just as you and i do.

    (((((as always - my posts are my constitutionally protected opinion only.)))))
  6. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    Well you have to understand my hate is non-active. And that it was caused by a traumatic experience that I keep inside and hide from the world. I don't know what to do about it. I probably posted this in the wrong section so sorry. Also the topic is not saying anything bad about gays. I understand that the character flaws in the people I have met who are gay does not mean that other gays are like them. But if a guy came up and told me he was gay, I would want to go away because I would probably go into a panic attack if he touched me. In fact im getting freaked out thinking about this so I am just going to stop here.
  7. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    ...sorry if i was too harsh.

    i'm very sorry for the trauma you've experienced.

    when i responded to you i didn't understand that part. perhaps you had not shared it here on s.f. or if you have i had not ran across it. ((....or forgot it?))

    in a way i do understand where your trigger lies. . . i was once in a physically abusive relationship and he also often yelled at me. subsequently, i have a near instant flash of hatred if someone raises their voice at me. just the yelling, brings back the feelings of fear. even when it comes from someone who would never physically hurt me.

    thanks for your clarifications . . . open dialogue is good.
  8. Help me please

    Help me please Well-Known Member

    Reading through the thread it seems your hate is rooted in the fact that some scumbag did something to you, that they shouldn't have. It's unforgivable, and you're justified (from what I read) in you're feelings. But you've gotta understand, not everyone is like that. You had a run in with a bad person, there are, good people out there.
  9. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm glad you shared about your feelings, and I'm also glad you clarified why. Now what I think you need to see is that it's not "gays" that you hate, but that one single person who did it to you. For instance: I was racist for most of my teenaged life. I was racist because of something that happened to me when I was younger. As I got older I realized that being racist was really really stupid. The reason I realized that being racist was stupid was because ONE person did that to me, and if I were going to be racist about people who had hurt me, I should be racist against my own race - because they've done me more harm than that one single person ever did. That realization about the reality of my prejudice totally broke it. Since then I can't hate anyone in a group - but only singly and judge each person individually. It sure has made my life a lot easier and helped to ease my inner stress. Perhaps you need to really think about why you're hating - because hatred is a disease that will eat you away inside. I know - I have enough of it. Just sayin'. Good luck!
  10. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Hi, i just noticed your thread.

    First of all i feel for you, i went through the same thing for 7 years by a group of people so i can underswtand why you hate 'gays' as you put it. But just because of some sick and twisted individual did something to you doesnt mean all people who are gay are like that. if you actually sit down and speak to someone who is homosexual you will find a majority are exactly the same as you except for the sexuality obviously.

    Secondly, i am bi-sexual so to see someone who hates someone like me so much does hurt a bit. Like i said just now, get to know someone before tarring everyone with the same brush.

    Im personally not shocked by your post but i think some people might be. if you ever want to talk my PM box is always open.
  11. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    First off I want to apologize for any miscommunications. I don't hate gays. It is just whenever I see a guy who is gay I can't help but seeing the people I have met. I want to get rid of this it is just uncomfortable to think about. I appreciate your understanding. I just wouldn't know how to begin because when I feel that I wouldn't mind talking with a guy who is gay it bothers me because I didn't feel uncomfortable before. It is like a safety mechanism and I kind of protect it because I don't want to even allow anything like that to become possible again. I don't want to see anyone look at me with the same expression ever again. I really hadn't thought about any of this before.
  12. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    How do you feel about racists? You're the same... Haters are haters. I'm not offended, but they're identical ideas.
  13. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    Well I used just to think that racist people were worng. After this happened I realize that in the real world everybody has something bad about them. The guy who caused this was not a terrible person. He grew up in a hard world and built up his own faults and weaknesses. I lived most in my life in a rich community were people could afford not to be racist (this changed once I ran away to LA with nothing). But the truth is that when things arn't great, everyone is bad. When everyone around you is bad then you can stat to blame a group of people the faults of some of the people in that group (alot of police abuse their power, alot of skin heads hurt people for no reason, alot of mexicans cause white people to lose their jobs, alot of black people are gangsters etc.) So that is where the hate comes from. Im guessing you are wealthy and not racist. Has anyone in your family ever been raped? Has you brother been murdered by mexican drug pushers? were you ever jumped by skin heads? have police ever abused their power just to fuck with you? More importantly do have to wake up with these danger everyday because that is what causes the racism to stay.

    You see where I come from racists are scum and everone is equal. But you know why people think like that, because they come from a world were you can walk around in a diferent neihborhood and not get shot. I have realized that people have their reasons for being racist. Im no diferent. In tough places everyone is bad, that is just the way it is. You can't live in that world and be good. Loving everyone and being moraly almost perfect is something only the rich can afford.

    If I offended anyone I am sorry I didn't mean too. Menace II Society and American History X combat the topics I talked about.

    I could go on about the abandonement of the low class in America for hours. The prison is terrible, the ghettos are abandoned, and most people ignore what is going on. Im rich and feel sooooo guilty about it. I've been homeless on the streets of LA and I can tell you that no one gave a shit about me then. I almost want to be on the streets again so I can stop feeling guilty about being rich. One thing I've realized is that very few people care about something that they dont understand. I don't mean that they dont say they care, I mean when people hear a news story about some dead gangster they dont really think about it. You have to have BEEN there to really understand what it means. Who really thinks about homeless people here. Homeless people are shit in America. Do you know what homeless people have to deal with every day?
  14. shades

    shades Staff Alumni's hard to say, but my initial reaction is that you should fight it as you would for any other discrimination of a group of people...whether on race, creed, color or sexual orientation.

    If you support the rights of people in general, you should try and get over it. Just my opinion, but you asked. I hope you can find some answers.
  15. The_8th_Wonder

    The_8th_Wonder senior Member

    There's nothing wrong with hating gays just like there's nothing wrong with hating Jews, blacks, Christians, etc. The problem is when a person passes down their uncontrollable feelings of hate down to the next generation and the hatred continues. As long as you do not publicly discriminate your hatred of gays or make them feel unwelcome you have no problems. I once asked a homophobe why he hated gays and he said, "I don't know... it's kind of like why girls hate spiders I guess."
  16. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    actually ive moved foward on this alot. recently I met a gay guy and he really changed my outlook. He reminded me so much of me. He was couch surfing and I wanted to help him. Now we are friends. I dont know, maybe I am not really what I thought I was.
  17. Ash7614

    Ash7614 Active Member

    Everyone's entitled to an opinion about anything.
    This is a forum where people should be able to express that to a certain extent.

    It's only when you act on that opinion in a way that is harming another that causes problems.

    I'm not offended by your dislike with homosexuals.
    I enjoy the gay scene but find just as many offensive hurtful people as i do amongst the straight.

    I don't believe someone's personality should be defined by their sexuality (race, religion, gender etc) and that's the only thing i think homophobes should consider but when it comes down to it your opinion is your own and you shouldn't have to fight it if you don't want to just because someone else thinks it's wrong, it's just their opinion.
  18. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Just read this post and I think it's really cool that you've come through and are now able to befriend a gay person.
    I had a similar experience, I wasn't violated but someone from another minority group treated me badly throughout my childhood and it stuck with me, well into my adult years, so I began to dislike and not want to be around anybody I would meet from that particular group.
    It was only until I realised I didn't want to be that way I tried my damnedest to do something about it, because I do not want to dislike ANYBODY!
    So I made a conscious effort to start talking to people from that particular group (not saying anything more so's not to offend here), and I am making tons of progress, slowly does it of course, but there's no reason why the actions of one stupid person should cast a shadow over all. :)
  19. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    I am a bit of homo-phobic myself. I as much as support the right of people who are homo-sexual I too do not want to be near them. (I just want a buffer space)

    High School I remember was filled with allot of people that were beyond homophobic.

    Leaving it at that I understand what you are getting at.