Curiousch

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by george.johnston, May 8, 2013.

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  1. george.johnston

    george.johnston New Member

    I have no real reasons.. however I find more often then not I wish I would just never wake up. I just find I go through each day struggling to see a reason for it. My family keeps me going but more and more I'm scared of what my kids are going to have to go through in life. I think extremely rationally but just struggle to see the point of life anymore.. go to work... make money.. get a little ahead.. never enough to do whatever you want... then something breaks.. pay for it.. catch up.. then you need a new roof or furnace.. then you not saving enough for retirement.. then etc..

    It seems that we are drones.. I live to pay taxes.. why live at all.. I have done so much and am successful but for what?

    Any thoughts? As I said before I am not suicidal but I do have increasing wishes of never waking up.. I struggle to fall asleep and find peace in wishing someone would just shoot me in the head to end this silly life on earth.

    Can anyone please advise me on how to find a reason to continue seeking success?

    G...
     
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    anything you like? a good book? going to the movies? go on a small trip into nature? just walking around enjoying the nature around you? or going to museum, on a boat, music? concert? going to a restaurant?

    It took me a while but I've started to enjoy the little things...and it doesn't cost a lot of money....like I go sit in the park and watch the birds and squirrels for a while, I take pics of them and the flowers, then post them on the web and get responses...

    I go to the backyard and swing on the adult swing...for a while listening to music or doing a crossword puzzle. I plan to go to the new restaurant that opened close by, just to get a drink like soda or tea. Maybe go to the park with your kids?
     
  3. george.johnston

    george.johnston New Member

    I like a lot of things and get enjoyment from them. It is more just trying to understand the point of life I guess.. Feeling better today. I just get in these moods where I struggle to see the point in doing anything at all. I don't really know the best way to explain it. I get a new car for instance and all I see is the first scratch/ding and then start thinking about future repairs etc.. Anyway I keep my smiles on and slug away just don't know why.

    G...
     
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean I tend to do that too. Everytime I do something I see the negative side...but now I'm trying to remind myself of the good things...takes time to work because habits are hard to change but it works...maybe write a list of the good things and look at it everytime you're negative :)
     
  5. That my friend, is being suicidal.

    Search for cultural options in your city, I love concertos and the theater. Museums and expositions are just as nice, and I'm sure visiting your citys landmarks could give you a nice day too. Art is made from feelings and you'll discover the side where you can create things, a drawing, a paint, an story, music if you have the time, etc...

    Libraries, find out why the classics are the classics.

    :) Cheer up.
     
  6. george.johnston

    george.johnston New Member

    "Cheer Up" LOL so easy to say. I do alot of things that should make you feel good. I cycle, run, vacation, look at art, photography etc... however it feels like I am 'trying' to do things that should make me feel happy and in the background I have this weird apathetic attitude about it all. Anyhow, I am struggling to explain it as I have no apparent reasons... but I do know at some point today/almost everyday I just wish I didn't have to go through the motions of life. Personally I wonder if it is trying to find a reason for it. When I was younger I strived for goals and now that I'm older I don't see the point of goals. You ever hear the song working class hero? I just feel like some middle class drone I guess.

    I've thought about finding 'religion' or something but don't think that is my thing. I did martial arts for a few years which seem to satisfy my emotions... Right now I feel OK so it is hard to connect to my low side. I am fairly anonymous on here too as I bet anyone who knew me would never imagine that I wished to never wake up each night.

    It does feel good to let some of this out on here. Perhaps thats all I need is some sort of outlet.

    Thanks for listening.

    G...
     
  7. Atompilz

    Atompilz Well-Known Member

    You have summed up exactly how I feel. Things can be good then something breaks or comes along I can't pay for, get into more debt, lose people and beloved pets making life feel so sad then starts to get better then something bad happens rinse and repeat. I too just don't get the point and even wanted to find religion a few years ago, I envy people who believe in something. I just feel like a cog in a wheel struggling to keep turning. I wish I could offer more than just empathy. Much love to you.
     
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