I'm so frustrated lately... I've never spent a stupid greetingcard day all alone in the past 10 years. That's half my life. -__- I don't want to spend it with anyone, either. I've been asked by several guys to go out on valentines day and said no to all of them. I feel like a spoiled fucking brat-- whining about what I don't get. >< The only person I want does not want me. I should feel flattered or something, right? Some people don't get asked out at all-- but I don't. I feel sick. These people who are asking me out don't know ANYTHING about the person I am now- nor do they care. Since J broke up with me; they said nothing... and suddenly they're like; "oh! Your relationship status has changed?! You're SINGLE now?! Holy shit! Go out with me!!" Fuck you. You were all assholes to me all through school. None of you give a shit about me. I've always been one of the guys- and now... what? Suddenly you realize I've got tits and an ass? That's wonderful, really. FUCKING GREAT! I wouldn't date you even if I were over him because you're not my type. sorry. no. die. Mom's doing something special with her boyfriend and afterwards, I'm SURE I'm going to be able to hear them fucking through my bedroom wall. I don't want this. It hurts and I feel so guilty for turning everyone down without giving anyone a chance and acting like a spoiled brat. I don't want any of this... I hate holidays- I hate boys and I fucking HATE VALENTINES DAY!! AGHH!!! Who came up with this stupid fucking holiday?! I'm going to kill them! There's nowhere I can go and nothing I can do to help the coming days go by fast enough... And I keep thinking about how J's going to write a poem for his new girlfriend and they'll go to see a movie and have a nice dinner... just like we used to do every year. All of the poems he wrote for me mean nothing now. The book he published for *me* isn't for me anymore! Nothing he did for me means anything because now he's doing those things for this replacement girl who looks EXACTLY FUCKING LIKE ME!! JUST KILL ME! >< AGHH!