Currently.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Forlornspirit, Sep 10, 2007.

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  1. Forlornspirit

    Forlornspirit Well-Known Member

    I don't know if this is a trigger for anyone else, or if it's just plain odd. But, one of my greatest triggers are showers. They are so serene, no one is there, or listening, and you know it for sure. I usually have music playing while I take one, depending on my mood. Today, is was a sad CD, that I made just for a downed occassion. I grabbed my razor, and I started slicing up my legs. So deep. I can't help but crave (for lack of better term) the pain. Our water is extremely salty, the water softener is broken. I myself love the thought of making the pain unbearable. I pour so many things in it. Peroxide, Tequila, aftershave, anything that burns. And it burns, mixed with the water, it makes a person want to go crazy, and it gives enough adrenaline to break open a car door (past experience =/ ).

    I go crazy when I do this, and I usually to litteraly scream at the top of my lungs from the pain.


    The real question I ask is: "Now I find myself stading there, with the water, and the additions, deep wounds on my pure leg muscle (Adds to it...). I feel the pain, but I'm too (can't find word) to do anything about it." Does anyone have anything to tell me? It's not that I want to know why I just stand there, just... What the hell am I doing here? I take the pain, to be able to wake up in the morning, and talk to my friends, many of which are suicidal themselves. I've involved myself with each and every one of them that are.

    And, I just would like to know if anyone has any comments towards it. Feel free to say anything.
     
  2. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    :hug: I don't know what I'm doing here either. I'm in a better mood tonight, though it's still kind of low.

    I can't really give you answers, because I'm not sure of them myself. Just know I'm here to talk; to return last night's favor. :smile:

    :hug: I'm gonna keep hugging you because you sound like you need it.

    Stay safe tonight, sweetie. :kiss: :hug:
     
  3. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I often find myself sitting on the floor in the bathrom on the cold tiles having incredible urges, I dont know whats with the bathroom but yeh, maybe its cos im naked and see the cuts? not sure.
    Like you i think im crazy for hurting myself, but i have to, its an addiction, cant stop it, the urges are crazy!
     
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