Cut for the first time

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by unzum, Jan 11, 2007.

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  1. unzum

    unzum Member

    So I cut for the first time a few days ago.

    My depression and mood had been slipping the days before and when I got home to my flat I was feeling pretty frantic.
    I broke a glass in the sink and used one of the sharper shards to start cutting my arm. Then I got my knife out of my bedside drawer and used that.

    I didn't cut very deep at all, it hardly bled, but I think I was surprised at how I could actually do it. I was always kind-of scared of killing myself by slitting my wrists but I found I could actually deal with this pain.

    I felt really sick afterwards, 'cos I just couldn't believe I'd actually done it.
    My doctor and counsellor know about this and they've said the scars'll fade in about a week.

    Can anyone give me some advice to stop me doing it again? 'Cos I really feel like I want to... :unsure:
     
  2. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    I would get all the help and support you can to prevent this from happening again, otherwise it'll just be a downward spiral. Trust me, self injury ISN'T the answer.
     
  3. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Ruby's right, it is definatly NOT the answer.
    Its amazing how it can seem so addictive even after just one cut..
    Something to try and do is distract yourself whenever you feel the urge.. Some Ideas posted by Golden Egg are;

    * hold some ice cubes in your hands
    * draw pictures of something that is bothering you / who is bothering you
    * draw red lines on the area you want to cut
    * listen to music
    * go for a walk outside
    * wear an elastic band on your wrist and snap it onto skin
    * call a friend or organise going out with a friend
    * use a screwdriver or knife and stab at a piece of wood
    * do sport/exercise
    * scream and shout outside extremely loudly
    * cry - it is allowed
    * if you want to stop self harming - sit down make a list of the reasons why you wish to stop
    * punch a cushion repeatedly until exhausted
    * keep repeating a prayer or poem that you like over and over again
    * break the instrument that you use to harm yourself with - it shows that you have the control over it - it doesn't have control over you
    * try and find creative outlets for your pent up emotions
    * deep breathing techniques coupled with relaxation techniques
    * write a letter to an imaginary person (or on SF) about how you feel - why you feel so upset

    There are nurmerous websites with ideas as well, its worth a look.

    Please do your best not to do it again,
    take care,
    Ally _%
     
  4. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Basically, what you said--get professional help. What you're doing is a way of expressing yourself when you can't any other way.
     
  5. Mya

    Mya Well-Known Member

    i know how you feel...i try to cut with my razer....but im to scared to go to deep...i dont really want the pain...or the blood...i just want the scares...i dont know why...
     
  6. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    hey good luck with stopping cutting i think that you should get as much support as you can possibly get. Because once you start doing it alot its hard to stop. much love and support, Songie
     
  7. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    I like looking at my scars, but I hate other people seeing them. I like the blood. I don't seem to feel ANY pain whilst I SI, it's weird. I haven't cut for over a week now (I was doing it every day) but the feelings are coming back - strong. It's a horrible feeling, isn't it? :sad:
     
  8. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    i always try to make people read this. in your case that´s the bes you can do read the quote below, it is like this how i feel now 4 years after started cutting so, i hope this still on time for you:(this was writte by a member called jaicee)

    ....before you make that first cut remember:
    You will enjoy this.
    You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
    Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep,
    And will heal easily ...
    They will get deeper.
    They will scar.
    They will sometimes take months to heal.
    And years for the scars to fade.
    If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body,
    Think again...
    It will spread when you run out of skin.
    Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
    Even if you are the most honest person ever to live ....
    You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
    You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
    You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth
    of your shirt, or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
    Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
    Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....Be prepared for your
    entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and
    covering up cutting.
    And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
    And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
    And you are gasping....
    And you feel yourself shaking all over.
    You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't
    tell anyone.
    So you sit there alone...
    Praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far
    again...
    But you will, and further.
    Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that
    you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
    And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they get.
    You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself
    spending 20, 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
    You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the
    counter to ring up your order.
    Butterfly strips...
    3 or four different kinds of dressings...
    Betadine....
    Antibiotic cream..
    Medical tape..
    Scar reducers.....
    You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move
    and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
    And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice...
    Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same
    supplies...
    Someone who understands but of course that never happens.
    Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
    Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe...
    Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots... gloves.. the list goes on and on.
    You will start looking at everyone in a different way...
    Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI...
    Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
    You wont even think about it ..
    As your eyes scan their wrists + arms...
    Hoping just hoping they will be like you....
    But they are not.
    You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
    You will start doing a lot of things alone.
    You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
    You will always be cleaning up the blood..
    Scrubbing your bathroom floor...
    Wiping the blood of your keyboard...
    You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting....
    Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
    When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting
    tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen.
    Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will
    find something.
    Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
    Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops. A
    normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
    Get ready to itch.
    Because you will itch and itch ..."so much you will look like you
    have fleas or a skin disease."
    You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully..
    You will dream about cutting...
    you will dream about being exposed.
    It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will
    wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting...
    At the same time, you love it and can't live with out it..

    i hope that if you need to talk, consider to pm me, i´m here for you if you want to let it all out.

    and if you want to do something else to clear your mind i recomend you to write what you feel, is the best you can do.

    Take care and stay safe:)
     
  9. eih

    eih Well-Known Member

    the last post was so true..

    dont get involved with cutting, you've just done it once. forget about it and dont even think its an option anymore cause its not.. its a horrible habit to break..
     
  10. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    the thing is that you will like it so much that your life will depend of it. you won´t want to stop and you will see how people that loves you start going away. is worse than drugs becasue there isn´t a support group in every city, and you won´t feel that is bad. take care hun and pm me if you want to talk about it or about anything, please take care:)
     
  11. lostcat95

    lostcat95 Guest

    stop now!
     
  12. *shifty eyes*

    *shifty eyes* Active Member

    Well, I was in pretty deep, then my friend threatned me, so then i resorted to just scraping with a BLUNT pencil, and I mean very blunt, until the area turned red, i have stoped completely now, and have some occasional slip ups, but have been quite good for the last monyh.
     
  13. unzum

    unzum Member

    Thankyou so much for all the replies.

    I've cut once more since then, about a week ago. I think I'm managing to get it under control now though. I still feel like I kind-of want to do it but I'm managing to stop myself, 'cos I have a friend coming to visit me soon, and I don't want her to see any cuts.

    I think I might be getting some more help soon. I overdosed two days ago (I rang 999 straight after) and I'll be seeing my GP in a few days. I'm feeling pretty sensitive but I'm holding on.

    Thanks again for replying everyone
     
  14. Dark Primrose

    Dark Primrose Member

    I never cut before in my entire life ever... hmm, but I remember that I used to punch the glass windows until my fingers were bleeding and got satisfaction out of it. That was a very long time ago. But nowadays, I have this extreme urge to cut myself after read about self-injury in this other site as well as talked with this one online friend of mine who is a cutter. I want to cut so badly especially after reading this thread... omg! what should I do now? I don't want to start cutting and get addicted to it! OMG! Stupid urge! Stupid me!
     
  15. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Go talk to a counselor or something. It's a problem even if you just have the urge that strongly... don't wait to get help until after you've done something you won't be able to forget. Get help with the problem underlying that urge, the problem that's making you want to cut.
     
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