I am so angry at myself and want to self destroy that I cannot focus on anything else. I don't want to distract myself, I feel like I deserve this. I just wanna cut both my legs off. Problem would be significantly minimized. I have been disgusts with my body and thought I was fat and unacceptable ever since I was literally 5 years old. I refused to wear shorts or anything that would expose my legs. Realistically I was never over weight. I weight 150lb as a teenager once and that was the heaviest I have been. I'm 5'8 and weight 130 lb but can't accept my body to save my life. I want to cut off the extra fat, it's not acceptable, it makes me unacceptable as a human being, I CANT ACCEPT IT! I haven't been eating "right" and I haven't been doing my exercises properly bc I've been sick. But this problem only popped in my head now since I was reminded of what a fucking stupid piece of shit I am. The piece of shit that dropped out of school, hasn't been doing anything since but waste time and money, has not even a little bit of self esteem and is a boring "unsociable asshole" that has no friends and no family. I really am stupid and useless. I really am. I am worth nothing. And here I was thinking I might actually be able to go back to school, maybe make it through and get a degree, maybe get a good job and actually be someTHING of value. Who are you I to be thinking in such dimensions? Who are you that you eat more than just to survive? Who do you fucking think you are? I am of no worth to society or to anyone but most importantly, I am of no worth to myself which nothing can compensate. I am indeed unnecessary. As I've heard someone say, I have an itch inside my head that desperately needs to be scratched. Fuck email support, fuck crisis lines, fuck me and fuck everything. I don't want to commit a "female suicide", as they say, I need to do it with brutality. That will scratch my itch.