cut or kill myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by byebyebeautiful, Oct 11, 2009.

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  1. byebyebeautiful

    byebyebeautiful Account Closed

    maybe both. have loads of <method> I could use/take whatever.
    Or cut, it'll stop the pain for a short while, but then when I see the cuts it will all come back.
    I think dying would be so much better.
  2. Mathale

    Mathale Well-Known Member

    come on buddy, i hope you see some sense from the clouded thoughts youre having. Deep down we know that isnt the solution we want to take. Its always short term and causes more damage than relief in the long run. Lets not have physical scars from emotional reasons.

    Whats getting to you, you seem down! ? xxx
  3. byebyebeautiful

    byebyebeautiful Account Closed

    Meh. I've cut not helped. Have my <method> here... Still unsure if I should do it. Lol, thats ano I shouldn;t do it if I am unsure. But hey... Im worthless and stuff..

    <this sounds so attension seaking... :(>

    I'm being ignored. My mum is yelling at me constantly. I buggered off out on my scooter for a couple hours earlier and she texted me having ago at me etc.
    IDK its a long story of what got me feeling suicidal, but this is just the new stuff adding to it. :(
  4. Mathale

    Mathale Well-Known Member

    at no point mate will i feel like youre attention seeking. you being open with how you feel. Its allowed.

    Atleast you have some idea not to do it ! But i have to say even in high certainty, it still is not the way to go! Im sorry you had to cut yourself though. Can you not find any inner strength just to prevent from cutting?

    Seems like you cant escape from it to just be alone for a while. that moment of peace and quiet. I think thats what no one ever wants either, your plate is full and people or things just keep building up on it. Like there is no end to the horrible emotions you feel. Talk about it at your own pace. Whats getting worse about it all?
  5. byebyebeautiful

    byebyebeautiful Account Closed

    I'm being put under too much stress. cutting releves stress to an extent (depending on where u cut)
    No innerstrengh, its been used up on other stuff, namely not killing someone who damn well deserves it!
  6. Mathale

    Mathale Well-Known Member

    Is that with work or uni/ college ?

    Yeah, the pain threshold etc, i try not to think of it as a solution to myself, and really try to help people break out of the bad habits too :(

    What has this other person done ? ( or is it you in a figure of speech? )
  7. byebyebeautiful

    byebyebeautiful Account Closed

    College work (basically doing a levels in one year)
    not so much the pain threshold, more the fact if someone see's the cuts.
    Oh not me (I think I deserve to be dead but others don't and I have a clouded view anyway... oh look at me being all logical... shut up Tears :/ )
    This guy who raped me repetedly over a year. He lives 15 mins away from me, I could so easily ride over there and kill him, hes at home I know because I have him on msn (not my msn account someone else's but hey!! ) hmm, fantasising about killing him is good... still its not worth it...
  8. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you are so down. What's brought this on? You have already shown you have loads of inner strength by getting this far and you know you have people here who care. Don't give up now. Best wishes. Simon.
  9. byebyebeautiful

    byebyebeautiful Account Closed

    Everything there's no just specific thing. I've been feeling this way for a while, it went away and now its back. I am scared and stressed to the max. I made it this far by fluke.
  10. Mathale

    Mathale Well-Known Member

    Yeah, that can be drowing - especially with the intensity of that , when its supposed to be done over two years. Sometimes, a day or two of total escape is needed. Its what i used to do when at college and uni. Is it college that your mum is having a go at you for?

    its something no one wants to show to others.

    lol! your being clear minded by saying that! so keep it up! :)

    oh jesus, im sorry to ever hear that from someone. I hope some legal action was taken or informing others of such - no words to describe - act. Especially when theyre in such proximity too!
  11. byebyebeautiful

    byebyebeautiful Account Closed

    I tried telling my mum that, she's having ago at me over lots of stuff. Atm its college and the fact I wont eat.

    No, it (unless looking for attension) should be hidden, and only shown to a counsellor etc.

    Lol, I try sometimes, still logic doesn't stop feelings.

    The college and people were informed (not by me) the guy bragged about it to his friends, and they all said I deserved it. College found out and told me not to report it to the police etc.
    I deserved it... meh blah..
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