After almost five weeks of feeling fairly good. The thoughts had gone away and I was productive at work and feeling as though the therapy and meds have helped. That was until this week. All of a sudden I started noticing the thoughts pop into my head. Those thoughts combined with a very stressful week have not been a good for my mental state. I had a few too many drinks this evening and finally decided to pick up one of the utility blades I keep in my medicine cabinet. I have never picked one up even though I see them every day. In fact, I had stopped thinking about using them. I picked up the blade and cut a few lines into my inner thigh. It felt good but not as great as I would have expected. I then put the blade to the vein at my wrist. Something kept me from cutting deep but I did press the blade into my skin. That "crisis" has passed for now. I feel better but still feel as though I could do it again. In fact, I know I will. Anyway, thanks for reading. I just needed to get this off my chest.