(For some odd reason I like this song), but anyway, a couple of days ago, I went swimming at my mom's apartment and everyone was looking at me strangly, (IDK if it was because I am a little chubby and it somehow looked absurded to be swimming when kids around, or if it was because I was black and everyone else was white.) So ppl looked at me funny, and it made me unconfortable (I have paranoa schizo. as well) and then I wanted to go to the clubhouse to get on the computer but the lady wouldn't let me in. And a guy was nice enough to open the gate for me. So after I spent about an hour on the comp. I went home and was pretty down. So I went and sat on the stairs and started singing songs (mostly depressing ones) and then my mom told me to go to the store and get something to drink to take my meds. And I bought some gatorade, but I also bought a set of razor blades. And when I went to the cashier, she said how am I doing, the first time I didn't answer her, and then she asked again and I shrugged my shoulders * I had a frown on my face*. And I let her keep the change and she kept telling me if I wanted the change but I left. And then I cutted my self and just started crying. And I still feel VERY depressed. I know most ppl here have worse problems then me, but I just needed to share that with someone. Sorry if I sound stupid.