Cute without the 'e'

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Atheist Demon, Jul 19, 2008.

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  1. Atheist Demon

    Atheist Demon Account Closed

    (For some odd reason I like this song), but anyway, a couple of days ago, I went swimming at my mom's apartment and everyone was looking at me strangly, (IDK if it was because I am a little chubby and it somehow looked absurded to be swimming when kids around, or if it was because I was black and everyone else was white.) So ppl looked at me funny, and it made me unconfortable (I have paranoa schizo. as well) and then I wanted to go to the clubhouse to get on the computer but the lady wouldn't let me in. And a guy was nice enough to open the gate for me. So after I spent about an hour on the comp. I went home and was pretty down. So I went and sat on the stairs and started singing songs (mostly depressing ones) and then my mom told me to go to the store and get something to drink to take my meds. And I bought some gatorade, but I also bought a set of razor blades. And when I went to the cashier, she said how am I doing, the first time I didn't answer her, and then she asked again and I shrugged my shoulders * I had a frown on my face*. And I let her keep the change and she kept telling me if I wanted the change but I left. And then I cutted my self and just started crying. And I still feel VERY depressed. I know most ppl here have worse problems then me, but I just needed to share that with someone. Sorry if I sound stupid.
  2. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member


    It doesn't sound stupid at all. I think though that if you were able to talk to someone about how you were feeling b4 u cut may have stopped the SH. Crying is good it can be a release. next time you feel like cutting though try and distract yourself. Instead of going straight to the razor blades go for a walk or make a rink and drink it slowly tasting every swallow. draw a cut on yourself and then stiches it will help think that you have done something and allow it to wash off and not leave a mark or hold an ice cube.

    I am really sorry to hear about how you were treated and I do not think that it fair. However, maybe people were not staring at you thinking the thingds that you thought that they would.

    Take Care

  3. Atheist Demon

    Atheist Demon Account Closed

    I was diagnosed paranoia schizophrenia (sp?) so I just always have this feeling that people are judging me. So you could be right IDK.
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