cuts are getting deeper, trouble controlling it, deeper, deeper,and deeper

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by chrism67, Feb 9, 2012.

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  1. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    I cut just minutes ago. I think i need stiches. For a little while it realieves the pain for a while. I cant stop cutting. Im afraid that they will put me in the hospital.i cant do that again. Id kill myself before going back in. Especially now. Im a single parent. I cant let kids go in foster vare.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No you can't but what are you teaching them they will see your scars they will see you harm yourself you need to stop you need to go get therapy then if not inside hospital as an outpatient with a councillor but for you kids sake you need to get help NOW.
  3. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    My cuts are getting bad. They bleed for several days. I am in therapy. Im on meds but they are changing them right now. So its like im on no meds right now while they taper me off. I have to wait another three weeks. So im only going to go down further. My therapist made me promise that i wouldnt do anything
    Real serious. I cant help but think that this is just way too much for me to handle. I just have too much going on. And cant stop cutting. But im even getting scared about how bad they are. Idont know what to do. Once i start i cant stop. My therapist wAsnt to worried about the cutting. He was a little more concerned about my lack of hope, the fact that i said i couldnt cope anymore. I was totally overwhelmed. He made me promise that i wouldnt do anything stupid and that if i felt i couldnt manage it i would call him. I couldnt tell him but i feel like that everyday. But he wants me to just take one day at a time. And try to muddle through. I really cant do this. I dont know if i can do this. I should just say goodbye now.
  4. MuchLove4God

    MuchLove4God Member

    Hello friend,
    I've felt like you are feeling... the biggest thing that changed my situation at the time believe it or not- were the words coming out of my own mouth. Just like if I was trying to walk on a balance beam and I began thinking "I'm going to fall, I'm going to fall" - I inevitabley fell. Even though I didn't believe the words- I had to start speaking them. I will get through this. I can handle this. This isn't too much. I can stop cutting. When I first learned about (what I call speaking life) I thought it was a bunch of nonsense! Like someone telling me... oh just go for a walk it'll make you feel better. They didn't understand the depth of my pain. A walk wasn't going to fix it. Speaking life won't "fix it" either. But it is a coping skill that works. I don't know why it works? But I don't know why the fridge works either... but I still use it. One of the biggest obstacles (for me) to stop cutting was still being around toxic people who were hurting me. I began to see a pattern. When I was around people who were intentionaly hurting me I could not stop cutting. The abuse had to stop first- Just sharing what I've been through... in hopes maybe something helps. I know you are not alone. There are so many others feeling the way you are- and many others who have been delivered from such pain and distress. I hope you find a light inside of yourself that you will learn how to feed, so that it will ultimately block out the darkness inside of you. Your friend, Angel
  5. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    Im still cutting and it takes days before it fully stops bleedkng. Life has only gotten worse. It really cant get worse. I want to really cut/fillet my arm. I dont see a reason not to. I just cant take anymore.
  6. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    Just think of your family. You know your kids don't want to lose you, and the feeling is certainly mutual. Is there any other activity you do that lets you vent these frustrations out in a less self-destructive manner?
  7. chrism67

    chrism67 Well-Known Member

    i told my therapist that i was cutting deeper and it still wasnt helping. and he told me that all im headed to is the hospital. so all that does is that i can continue and get even deeper. and just not tell him. it just makes me want to keep more secretes. i already cant tell him how suicidal i am and now it just adds to the list.why bother seeing him.
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