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Cutter

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Scully, Dec 14, 2009.

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  1. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I've tried so many things more lately to make my life better. I go to the psy, follow my treatment. Find ER financial aids here and there. But there's always something. On december 1, I re-registered to the pole employment. I discovered today I wasn't registered! I had to do it in ER today. I won't touch anything before one two months now. I'm a burden for my partner. He doesn't tell me so but says he's FED up with paying. I do all I can, all is clean here, dishes, laundry. I'm not his partner. I don't have that feeling. There's nothing more I can do! After a life of shit, that all it's too much. I'm exhausted. Physically too. Plus I took kgs due to the
    new treatment. I'm fat and ugly.
    And xmas coming. No family. Just my partner who doesn't really love me. I so want to meet my true father.
    I don't know what else to do. I'm an ugly wreck. I'm gonna cut after my beer. I shouldn't have been borne.
    I don't know how much longer I can hold like that.
     
  2. Blanca

    Blanca Well-Known Member

    :blub: :hug: :hug: :hug:

    Please hang in there.........I know you're gonna ask me what for........I answer that myself to anyone who says it to me.......MAYBE,maybe someday there will be a reason........maybe.........and this maybe is worth everything.......for now.........

    I am here for you,going through the same bs today.........
     
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    Aww I'm so sorry you're having a hard time...:console::hug:

    have you told your partner what you're feeling? Like that you feel inadequate as a partner because you have no job?

    Christmas can be a hard time for alot of people...including me...
     
  4. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I was in sick leave for 7 months after I was fired (after harrassment, disrespect etc..). I ended up in depression. Now i have to register again because they cut me my indemnities. Because not enough hours of work. Because my fucker employer cancelled many hours. Where's justice, where're the laws for them?

    I used to love xmas, but now, no music, no singing. No family. It's become so
    material. I hate it. Plus I miss to know who's my Dad.

    I was diagnosed BPD some weeks ago. So to work... I burn out easily. If I don't do something I love, and work with people I love, or like. I'm very authentic, and I can't stand hypocrisy. I don't understand small talk, and licking asses "normal" people do.
     
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm like you when it comes to work...I dont do ass licking, gossip etc...I have to like the people I work with and I have to like the job I'm doing otherwise I can't focus on the job...and because of my anxiety I end up burning myself up in just a few months....

    The system sucks in so many areas its not funny...
     
  6. whereorwhen

    whereorwhen Member

    Please hang in there. This is such a difficult time of year, but it will pass.
     
  7. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    That's what I'm trying to tell myself. But I won't be alone. Normally. This is better than being alone. I'm a little better now. I have BDP, and sort of impulsive reaction to my dysphoria. Anyways... I'm a loser. Thanks for replying all, until next time :rolleyes:
     
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