I've tried so many things more lately to make my life better. I go to the psy, follow my treatment. Find ER financial aids here and there. But there's always something. On december 1, I re-registered to the pole employment. I discovered today I wasn't registered! I had to do it in ER today. I won't touch anything before one two months now. I'm a burden for my partner. He doesn't tell me so but says he's FED up with paying. I do all I can, all is clean here, dishes, laundry. I'm not his partner. I don't have that feeling. There's nothing more I can do! After a life of shit, that all it's too much. I'm exhausted. Physically too. Plus I took kgs due to the new treatment. I'm fat and ugly. And xmas coming. No family. Just my partner who doesn't really love me. I so want to meet my true father. I don't know what else to do. I'm an ugly wreck. I'm gonna cut after my beer. I shouldn't have been borne. I don't know how much longer I can hold like that.