when i was 14 i "cut" myself for attention. i was young and stupid and thought a girl actually loved me. now, 6 years later, here i am again, this time it's different. im actually pressing down and drawing and blood and going over a spot twice to make it bleed. my body wont let me cut myself deep, it'll hurt really bad and my arm will jerk away. i dunno why im doing it, maybe im sick of holding back tears that won't flow when they should, or maybe im trying to cut open an escape for the butterflies that are permanently trapped where my ribs come together. all i know is that was for attention, from friends, from a girl, this is different, im actually seeing blood, there are no friends or girls in the picture. there is simply just pain.