cutting. again.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by isobel., Jan 18, 2007.

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  1. isobel.

    isobel. Member

    Baah I can't sleep.

    I used to cut, almost 3 years ago. I managed to stop 2 years ago. Back then, my friends were not the most supportive beings, they just told me to stop being stupid, but I don't blame them, I figured they were scared and didn't really understand. I spoke to a few people who did, though, and they helped me more than they imagine.

    Lately, that is, for a few months now, I've felt desperate. I have no idea what's wrong with me. Well, I do, I moved to another city and I miss my old life. But I don't think that's all there is to it. Anyway, I'd start crying and screaming and kicking everything I could, slapping myself and all, and I'd feel really scared I'd do something "stupid" like cutting or quite simply kill myself. I'd feel like I could really do it, like I was just one step away, like I could just snap my fingers and it would happen.. okay, I'm being confusing. Point is, I was terrified I could actually kill myself. I felt worthless and alone. I feel worthless and alone.

    It's been going on for a while, like I said, for a few months, 3 months to be more precise. And tonight I actually cut myself. Again. I regret it already, I don't think my friends will understand it, since they didn't 3 years ago, my parents would certainly not understand, like they don't understand that I'm under a lot of stress at uni, and I really don't know who to turn to. I hate my arm already and it obviously hurts like hell. I don't want to go back to having to hide it from the world, but I certainly don't want everyone to know about it. I don't know what to do. I'm scared I might do it again.

    I don't even know what I'm doing with this post. I just need to get this out. To people I think will understand and won't tell me I'm stupid. Thanks for reading.
  2. Jess

    Jess Guest

    I'm sorry you can't sleep :hug: again, lol, could you watch a movie? since nothings on tv? Just an idea...

    I'm glad you posted. Takes a lot of courage... people underestimate it most times.

    I somewhat like the fact that you said "used to cut" rather than still do cut. I'm glad it's a past tense thing for the most part. Friends, well people in general, that haven't been through or felt the feelings that bring us to do the things we do under depression and all that can't understand and usually react harshly.. unfortunately. I'm glad you did find some people who did understand though.

    Moving to a new city sounds stressful! I know I couldn't do it. Though I'll have to eventually lol. But no wonder you're feeling stressed.

    I'm glad you found this place. and I hope it can be of some help with the feelings of desperation you're having. :hug:

    I'm glad you managed to post (saying that again) when I first joined it took me a while to. And also it's good to just get things out, confusing as they may be to you.. you'd be surprised what sense some people can make out of what you say and maybe even help you out

    look at me. I'm being confusing now. :hug: take care
  3. total_edge

    total_edge Guest

    Heh...i havent cut for long time and i did cut yesterday .....just a advice, DONT let it get over you hun, just forget it , it was a mistake....dont do it again, there is no need to tell to others btw, but dont forget , that not telling it to others, DOESNT give you the right to do it again...i know how univ is , it gives you so much pressure :sad: , dont let this pressure become a ....SH thing in your mind, i wont hide, and i ll tell you that u ll have to stay with this pressure in your head, but remember, it was LONG time you didnt cut, im sure something gave you some power, you can stop again for more time , just remember its in your hand to choose not to do it:smile:

    ps:dont look for the next days the scars, it ll make u wanna cut more , avoid
    looking at them at any way...

    lots of hugs for now
  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    hi Isobel.

    I'm glad you posted, I know it takes a lot of courage to post, especially in the beginning.
    I'm really sorry that you cut again, but you can't think of it as a fail. Because it isn't. Everyone has backslips sometimes, whether it's after a few weeks, months or years. That doesnt mean it's bad.

    Well, if you ever need a talk in private, you can always pm me or email me at :arms: :hug:

  5. isobel.

    isobel. Member

    Thank you so much everybody.. I managed to get some sleep and I'm feeling better now. I'm so glad I found this place :) *hugs*
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