cutting again

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by asqy, Jul 6, 2007.

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  1. asqy

    asqy Well-Known Member

    i cut my legs up so much last night. it felt so good. i havent cut in 3 weeks, and now that ive done it again, i dont even know why i stopped. the pain. the blood. everything. it was exactly what i needed. might as well keep going with it tonight and every night thereafter. i havent been feeling this happy in a long time.
  2. iracund

    iracund Antiquities Friend

    i cut my legs tonight too. nothing serious ... superficial thigh cuts. i can't tell you how good it felt after not cutting for more than a month. i cut my legs so it's less likely to be discovered before it heals. it stings. i don't regret it.

    at the same time, part of me wishes i hadn't done it becasue i know someone is going to notice at some point and read me the riot act. and all i will want to do is tell them to fuck off. i reached critical mass and it made me feel better. i seek a more stable place in my mind. i hope you are doing okay xilon. :hugs:
  3. asqy

    asqy Well-Known Member

    that is exactly how everything is going... from the cutting, to the regret. *sigh* i hate the cycle of it. =\
  4. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    you need to use something as a replacment. Yes I know it feels and looks good, but it's not safe to cut yourself up. Cut a plastic bottle up or something. And if you do HAVE to cut, make sure you regret it and use that regret to stop you from doing it again. Count how many days you can go without cutting and slowly work on increasing that.
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Like blackness has said, try using something as a substitute for cutting yourself. It must be a horrible cycle to be in, it may feel good at first but then regret works it's way in.
  6. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    Its a vicious circle. I used to cut my legs... I still have the scars, and they ain't going away either. Time to get some scar reducers I think.

    Anyway, what triggered your cutting? I know things probably ain't great, but still, 3 weeks is a fair good achievement. If you hate the cycle... do you think you hate it enough to start to taper off cutting a little bit more? Something to think about I guess.

    Make sure you keep those cuts you made clean.

  7. kyo

    kyo Member

    I was cutting myself before but not i've finnally be able to stop it. I know the feeling, it's so nice. The blood flowing out, the red blood, it's just beautiful for some reason. Before while I was doing this I did all kind of things. my favourite was simply doing my name. sometimes I tried to make it look like one of the girls I like... but without success...

    well, my teacher noticed this and reported it to my parents and I got help. How I got help was a bit like Blackness said. I got things to cut instead of myself. then the more weeks that passed the less my obessesion faded away. Also a good thing is to talk with someone about it. It don't have to be your parents. Just someone.

    also it's not good to do it, because I needed to go to the hospital and check everything up, and the results wasn't that fascinating. So my tip is: If you can't stop doing it by just willpower, then you have do find another way. A very good way is just as blackness said, find a substitue. Something you can use as soon as you get the feeling... and also, talk with someone.
  8. asqy

    asqy Well-Known Member

    thanks for the replies everyone. i managed to go without cutting last night, but tonight's outcome looks pretty grim. i havent tried to cut something else instead of me as a distraction. i guess ill give that a shot. i just hope it doesnt fail like everything else ive tried.

    i always feel awkward talking about. i dont know why. just seems like one of those things no one would want to talk about =\
  9. iracund

    iracund Antiquities Friend

    me too xilon ... except the one person i didn't want to see the telltale marks did. and did the whole "involunatry commitment" thing. fuck that. i'd rather live out of my car than give him the satisfaction. oh well. in the end it went something like "look, you back me into a corner like a trapped animal (figuratively), something's gonna give. this is what did last night. it's not your fault, it's not your problem, but there are things you could do to help me, but if you don't ask and never want to talk about it, then you're just burying your head in the sand."

    then i went to sleep. we'll see what happens from there. and to think ... i was having such a nice evening. well, admittedly, i was a little irritated that i was made the designated cameraperson for my mate's mother's birthday as if i were invisible, but that passed pretty quickly as soon as i realized that it was a stupid, irrational thing to get upset about.

    anyway, we'll either sort it out later or sweep it under the rug as per usual. my bet is on the second option.
  10. numbtomyself

    numbtomyself Member

    i cut tonight for the first time in a month. it stung, but a good sting. that crazy warm and fuzzy feeling when i saw blood.
  11. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I also love how it feels, it is so soothing, sometimes it is the only thing that soothes me, and then I can usually sleep right after I cut. Why is that?

    I am totally in a cutting cycle right now, mine comes in spurts, I cut and then I don't for a long time, then I do....round and round.

    Usually a day later I feel ashamed and weak, but not enough to make me stop.

    And I am really good at hiding it, or other people just don't say anything to me.
  12. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    i agree. it usally works like that.
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