Lately the cuts have been getting deeper. I found a new blade that can do the trick no problem. Its soooo sharp and it feels good. I just tap my skin with the blade and I can see fat and muscles... I feel so good to have the blood pouring down my arms and onto the floor. I think I'm going to cut deep enough to get surgery again, it feels so good. The deeper the cut, the better I feel. Its amazing this feeling of pain. I love to see the blood squirting out when I hit a vein... I love to see all the muscles, tendons, the fat, the veins... all that... Its amazing. I keep dreaming of swolling razor blades and the feeling it makes as it goes down my throat and the blood I would spit out as it cuts the inside of my throat (I've swollowed razor blades before (from pencil sharpeners) but this one I have now is so sharp and it has a tip on it, it could do something to me.) I can't stop dreaming about cutting my arteries and the blood just spitting out... I cant stop and its scaring me... this sick obsession with death and blood is coming back and its freaking me out.