Cutting makes me feel..even when i dont want to

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Epical Taylz, Apr 30, 2008.

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  1. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    Today was hell
    I cut for the first time in 23 days
    man oh man did it feel fucking good

    my parents found out 23 days ago
    because of texting my best friend
    and my life has been hell after that.

    they threw out everythign that i used
    the needles...
    but i have my own stash now.

    sure, the pop tab and random metal isnt
    sanitary
    and sure i could get sick beyond my wildest
    dreams
    but thats a risk that i guess im willing to
    take.

    cutting no longer makes me bleed
    and its dissapointing to not see blood
    when i cut in the nighttime. i know
    im going plenty deep enough, but im
    doing it on my waistline so that no one
    will see it., and sometimes i do it on
    my hip.

    recently, i wake up to blood on my sheets.
    my friend talked about night cutting?
    am i doing that?
    the needles are gone,,,but i dont think they are.
    my parents didnt know what i used because i
    didnt tell them.

    i only told three people willingly about this
    obsession.
    Rachel, Jason, and Kurtis.
    Kurtis is my boyfriend
    Rachel is my best friend
    Jason...hes my soul mate

    I cut because of Jason
    because we cant be together
    because my parents think he looks
    the part of a mate.
    I cut because of yelling
    because its all my parents do
    because its all anyone ever does anymore

    I cut because i can.

    i do it for random reasons now
    and im going to a counsler about it.
    not once has she
    asked about it
    or even bothered to
    mention it
    i think that its shit.




    if you have any way to help me, that would be great :dry:
     
  2. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    no one wants to help me
    they never do
    they say that they will
    and then they turn their backs


    thank you for doing so :/
     
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi taylor,

    sorry i didn't reply earlier, but we are in different timezones and when you first posted it was the middle of the night here and i was asleep.

    much as we'd sometimes like it, our counsellors are not mind readers. you say she hasn't asked you about the cutting, but have you brought it up with her? your second post implies that nobody will help you, but in addition to us you have that counsellor. i'm sure she would want to help you as well.

    i have been self-harming on and off for 25 years. for me, it's always related to overwhelming feelings. the more outlets i have for me to *talk* about my feelings, the less i need to cut. i talk to friends, to my therapist and mental health nurse, to the crisis hotline, to people here via the forum. once i can get the sadness out the urge to cut is not as strong.
     
  4. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    Dear Taylor,

    I know it's hard. I myself face the temptation of cutting... Random reasons?? Yup. That's the sign that it's gone to far. You start to live off of it. You look for anything to cut and feel that pain. It's atleast how I react.

    I'm not sure how common night cutting is. It is possible though. But remember. You have people who care and friends who love you.. don't let them down. If you conitnue to cut, then how will they be able to cope with that extra heartache, you know??

    I have you in my prayers.
    Hope you find proper healing.

    MuchLove
    R<33
    ;]] PM me if you need it.
     
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