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Cutting off family

Ardentli

Well-Known Member
#1
I've been crying for a while...i was so angry at first and then i just felt this grief. Its seems so stupid. I'm not sure why I'm so bothered and hurt.

This is hard to explain without reference. I'm very outspoken online and publicly about blm. Anti bigotry, anti homophobia, anti trump. Especially at this time. And i have been seeing it with others and their families. Being torn apart. I was never close to my more astranged family and i'm deffinetly not now.

A cousin posted about me; she (married to a cop) takes my stance on police reform and accountability negatively. Even so much as to say i want to kill all cops? I was so confused but what ever. Pissed at her yes. More family agree with her, and then go on to demeaning me for how i dress and post online.

And my mom has seen this. And my sister liked it...neither said a thing to me or in my defense. I know my mom is pro trump, she's racist lite. she never outright says shit but idk how to say it. she always said she didnt want me to be like the family tho... taught me to love everyone reguardless, even though i know her veiws are different. which i get because my grandfather is extremely racist and i my great grandfather would have loved the kkk...

Thats the white side of my family. Im half peurto rican and i don't know that side. My dad, ths man who raised me...isn't by blood but he choose to be there and i still have him. He's not the same...but i question it because of my moms side and it hurts to even think that way about him. But i feel like i lost my whole family in my heart in a few moments.

I was never like them and as i got older i grew further from their veiws. But i never thought how they did and i alway thought maybe im not really related. It always bothered me and i always would correct them when they said stupid shit. Again things i never heard from my dad.

I'm just very distraught and i don't want to bother my friends. They are all going through a lot right now.
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#2
God, I feel for you on this. My father is a cop and less than an hour ago I had an argument with him about systemic bigotry in his profession.

Family doesn't mean as much as people seem to think it does. I consider my real family to be my friends; the people I have chosen to keep in my life.

I doubt you'd be bothering your friends if you reached out to them now. If they also have problems, you can lean on one another, you know? You could call and ask them how they're doing with what's bothering them, as well as saying what's bothering you. Relationships should be give and take... equal support from both sides.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#3
Very sad to hear. What is going on now can, is and will be dividing so many. Tougher when it is family because that is supposed to be the safe refuge for a person from all the other crap going on in the world. One thing I admit to being lucky with is family that cares even if they don't quite get me. Wishing you the best...
 

Ardentli

Well-Known Member
#4
I feel heart broken. I haven't talked to my mom or sister yet. I was planning to see my dad tomorrow too. My friends and boyfriend are all black or poc and its also why i don't want to bother them about it. Some do know but just not how upset i am atm.

I don't like to share this stuff with ppl. I feel bothersome on those closest to me. Strangers feel different, the concern is at your discretion. It doesn't feel as bothersome because no one is obligated to respond or care. If that makes sense.
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#5
I feel heart broken. I haven't talked to my mom or sister yet. I was planning to see my dad tomorrow too. My friends and boyfriend are all black or poc and its also why i don't want to bother them about it. Some do know but just not how upset i am atm.

I don't like to share this stuff with ppl. I feel bothersome on those closest to me. Strangers feel different, the concern is at your discretion. It doesn't feel as bothersome because no one is obligated to respond or care. If that makes sense.
They aren't obligated though... if they were bothered by you then they would not be your friends/boyfriend. If they care about you then they will want to console you when you're upset.

That said, you're obviously welcome to vent on here if you feel more comfortable. The last thing I'd want to do is make you feel worse than you already do.

You say you were going to see your dad tomorrow. Are you feeling too upset by this to do that now? Or are you still going to give it a go?
 

Ardentli

Well-Known Member
#6
They aren't obligated though... if they were bothered by you then they would not be your friends/boyfriend. If they care about you then they will want to console you when you're upset.

That said, you're obviously welcome to vent on here if you feel more comfortable. The last thing I'd want to do is make you feel worse than you already do.

You say you were going to see your dad tomorrow. Are you feeling too upset by this to do that now? Or are you still going to give it a go?
Wow you called it. I went for a walk last night with my boyfriend. He was upset by my family's closed mindedness and how they talked about me. I feel that roughness from crying to much last night. I will be going maybe tomorrow or the day after.
I also have to make a point to actually talk to my mom without being upset. I don't know how her and my sister feel. If they fully know, im giving the benifit of the doubt, but im scared that its exactly how it looks.
I also want to be a bit productive outside of protesting.
I don't have computer skills i need for certian jobs I want to apply to. Like i can try to self teach excel.
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#7
Wow you called it. I went for a walk last night with my boyfriend. He was upset by my family's closed mindedness and how they talked about me. I feel that roughness from crying to much last night. I will be going maybe tomorrow or the day after.
I also have to make a point to actually talk to my mom without being upset. I don't know how her and my sister feel. If they fully know, im giving the benifit of the doubt, but im scared that its exactly how it looks.
I also want to be a bit productive outside of protesting.
I don't have computer skills i need for certian jobs I want to apply to. Like i can try to self teach excel.
I'm so glad you decided to open up to him. Seems like it helped. I likewise think that seeing your dad would help too. You say he isn't like the rest of your family and that's what makes me think it'd be good for you to connect with him when you feel up to it.

Just take your time recovering emotionally before you interact with your mother or sister about this. If I had to guess, that'll be a draining conversation.

Learning Excel sounds like a great idea tbh. There should even be walkthrough videos online. Doing something productive should hopefully help you feel better. Good luck with it!
 

Sunspots

To Wish Impossible Things
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#8
I feel you on this. My father and his wife are extremely racist, homophobic, the lot. Unless it's white, straight and ultra right wing they hate it.
I spent years arguing with him and trying to reason with him, even just asking him not to talk to me about his views. Finally, three and a half years ago I cut off contact with him. There was more to it than just his political and moral views but they were the icing on the cake.
I do miss him, especially as he's now in his 80s and I worry about if he's okay as I don't want anything bad to happen to him. In fact I did email him a couple of months ago to check on him and got a very curt email back. But I don't regret my decision. It's been good for my mental well-being to put some distance between us.
 

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